Ham and Eggs - E60

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Speaker 1: Today we'll take a look at arguably the world's

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most heinous serial killer, pedophile, albert Fish.

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Plus, we answer your mail, call questions, give an update on

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Rex Huriman, architect, and Garrett tells us the fastest way

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to go to jail in Florida is to crash your car through its front

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door.

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Also, stay tuned after the main story, for another installment

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of Dear Douchebags.

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Oh, we're back, baby.

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Yes, sir, I'm Dave Jari, I'm Garrett Gorder and this is

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Criminal as Fuck.

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What's good.

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All you criminals, debauched and true crime douchebags out

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there.

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And welcome to another episode of Criminal AF.

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Once again, I am Dave Jari and with me, as always, is my

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co-host, garrett Corder.

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Speaker 2: How we doing.

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Speaker 1: We'd like to give a huge Criminal AF shout-out to

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the newest member of the debauched, brie Alpha.

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Thank you so much, brie, and welcome to our fucked-up family.

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We have some Rex Schumerin architect Rex Schumerin

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architect.

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Yeah, we got some updates, and this comes from the Associated

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Press.

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The New York architect accused of murdering multiple women and

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leaving their corpses scattered along the Long Island coast kept

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a blueprint of his crimes on his computer.

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Speaker 2: Not well hidden.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and prosecutors revealed Thursday as they also

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brought charges against Rex Harriman and two more killings.

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Garrett, two more killings.

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So.

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Harriman, 60, appeared before a judge to be arraigned in the

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deaths of Jessica Taylor and Sandra Castillo, two young women

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who were long suspected of being the victims of men preying

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on sex workers Right so he had previously been charged with the

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murder of four other women in a string of deaths known as the

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Gilgo Beach serial killings or LISC the Long.

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Speaker 2: Island serial killer.

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Speaker 1: So Taylor disappeared in 2003.

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Castillo was killed 30 years ago, in 1993, and her inclusion

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in the case indicates that prosecutors now believe that

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Heuermann was killing women for much longer.

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Speaker 2: That's not funny, was killing women much longer than

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previous thoughts.

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You're about to get canceled Trying to do a fucking news

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update Right.

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Speaker 1: So the new charges came after recent police

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searches of Herman's Massapequa Park home in a wooded area of

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Long Island.

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Tied to the investigation Now in a court filing.

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Prosecutors said that they were able to use new forensic

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testing methods I wonder what that is To match hairs found on

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or near the vicinity of both victims to DNA profile that is

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likely matched to Harriman Harriman Architect Architect.

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Additionally, this is going to go well.

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Additionally, prosecutors say they recovered the file on a

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hard drive in his basement used to methodically blueprint his

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killings.

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Yep, it's wild.

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The document written in all caps that alone should tell you

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that he's a fucking serial killer.

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Speaker 2: The best part about this, too, is if you guys have a

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chance to actually go look at the documents.

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It's like a I don't know.

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I'm younger, I'm in the younger generation.

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So, I came from when they did like they taught Excel, word and

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stuff in school.

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Right, it looks like my fourth grade Excel class made a

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spreadsheet, I don't know.

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Go look at it.

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It's so funny to me.

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Oh my God.

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He has like no clue, like it's just like, this is what you do,

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this is what you do.

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This is what you do.

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It's just funny, it's very funny.

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Speaker 1: All right.

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So this document?

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It features a series of checklists with tasks to

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complete before, during and after the killings, as well as

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practical lessons for you know the next time you kill somebody.

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Among the dozens of entries written are reminders to clean

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the bodies and destroy the evidence, and to get sleep

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before the hunt.

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Yes, Very important, Make sure you're well rested.

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You've got to go through your killer checklist on Excel.

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And make sure you quote unquote have your story set Now.

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One section is titled Things to Remember and it appears to

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highlight lessons from previous killings, such as using heavier

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rope and limiting noise in order to maximize play time.

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That's creepy, yeah.

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A body prep checklist includes, among among other items, a note

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to remove the head and hands which he didn't do to all his

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victims.

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No, no, not all of them.

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Uh, prosecutors believe that the entry may connect hurman to

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yet another victim, valerie mack , whose partial skeletal remains

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were discovered near the body of Taylor after her

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disappearance in 2000.

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Heurman has not been charged in the death of Mac, but asked

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during a news conference after Thursday's hearing if he was a

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suspect, district Attorney Ray Tierney replied that's fair to

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say.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, aka yeah, we're on to you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he's a fucking suspect.

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So Tierney also acknowledged that the blueprint document

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which Heurman had attempted to delete.

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So Tierney also acknowledged that the blueprint document

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which Humerman had attempted to delete was a significant impetus

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for the renewed search along Long Island in recent weeks, as

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it was recovered in March for more than 350 electronic devices

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that were seized from his home.

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Speaker 2: That's impressive.

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350.

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Yeah, I'm trying to think 350, that's a lot of electronic

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devices.

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Speaker 1: Well, he had all those burner phones, so there's

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probably like 100 burner phones, at least I know.

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Speaker 2: That's a crazy amount I'm trying to think of.

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Actually, if they rated my house, how many devices would

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they have?

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It wouldn't even be close.

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Speaker 1: No, and I know a lot.

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Yeah, yeah, not fucking 350.

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350.

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Speaker 2: Anybody over 100 devices.

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Speaker 1: I would say over 50.

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Speaker 2: Something's up here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it was him, his wife and what.

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He had two kids.

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Speaker 2: That doesn't matter.

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I'm a family of four too.

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Speaker 1: Do you have more than 50 devices?

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Speaker 2: No, okay, I have less than 10.

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Yeah, it's fucking wild.

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350 is crazy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fucking crazy.

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So Heurman pleaded not guilty to killing Taylor and Castilla

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during a hearing and was ordered held without bail.

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Well, yeah, he ain't fucking going nowhere.

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No, yeah, His lawyer, Michael Brown, said outside of court

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that Heurman is obviously in a bad place in terms of these new

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charges.

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Speaker 2: Yo, all right, we're going back to last week's

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episode Fuck defense attorneys.

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Speaker 1: Wow, paula Flynn, you heard that hey he's in a bad

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place right now.

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Speaker 2: He's in a bad place.

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Speaker 1: Shut up Afterward Tierney said that the additional

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charges provide some small measure of closure for the

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victim's families.

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So yeah, there's that.

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Speaker 2: He's going down regardless, yeah.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: He's not going to get all convictions, but he'll be

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convicted for some.

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Well, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think he'll at least be convicted on these six.

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Yeah, at least.

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Alright, before we jump into all the shenanigans today, we

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just need to go over some things regarding criminal AAF.

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We are a comedic and formative true crime podcast Garrett, and

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you know it's kind of like an ish Heavy on the ish.

00:06:40
Heavy on the ish for sure, meaning we'll be talking about

00:06:43
some true crime, like our main story in Florida man, but we'll

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also be talking about some things not related to true crime

00:06:47
, like mail call and whatever rabbit holes our ADHD brains

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lead us to, yeah, which is, which is quite a bit, yeah, but

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whatever we talk about, we'll be having some fun while we're

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doing it.

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Sometimes, you know, we find that certain aspects of these

00:07:00
stories are particularly funny and sometimes, you know, we just

00:07:03
like calling out a fuckhead for being a fuckhead.

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Yes, sir, you know, if this is your first time joining us,

00:07:08
you're about to experience two guys who have zero filter and we

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fucking swear a lot.

00:07:13
Speaker 2: Speaking of zero filter.

00:07:14
Yeah, first, adhd tone is black people mac and cheese better

00:07:19
than white people mac and cheese ?

00:07:20
Oh, 100%.

00:07:21
Well, 100%, 100% oh 100%, well, 100%, oh my god this is

00:07:24
glorious.

00:07:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, white people, mac and cheese is just like

00:07:26
craft.

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You just go and get the box.

00:07:27
It's the worst, yeah.

00:07:29
Speaker 2: Or they just, they literally put a bowl of fucking

00:07:31
cold noodles and throw some cheese on there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's mac and cheese.

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Speaker 2: I like a little splash of milk.

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No, you gotta have some flavor to it.

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Alright, my bad.

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Speaker 1: With all that being said, we do discuss some pretty

00:07:47
horrific and tragic stories that involve murder, yay, rape Aw

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and torture.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I can get into it.

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Speaker 1: We will not shy away from the most gruesome of

00:08:00
details, regardless of how disgusting they may be.

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Now we understand that Criminal AF is not for everyone.

00:08:07
Speaker 2: Hey, and that's okay.

00:08:08
Speaker 1: We just ask that you at least give it a listen, if

00:08:10
it's not for you.

00:08:10
Thanks for checking it out, see ya, but if it is welcome to the

00:08:15
debauchery, now head on over to criminalasfuckcom for all of

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If you can't write the word fuck in your browser, then you

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can go to criminalafpodcastcom or criminalafllc.

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They take you all to the same place.

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Now.

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From there, you can check out all of our episodes, videos,

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reviews, send us messages for mail, call and dear douchebags,

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Now, while you're checking out Criminal AF, go check out our

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I got it.

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You're going to hit it.

00:08:47
Say it and then go back and unhit it.

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I'll get you some merch.

00:09:02
Yes, sir.

00:09:04
Speaker 2: We're obviously not working with our producer here.

00:09:06
No, no, producer, you had to go .

00:09:08
Speaker 1: We're adding new styles and designs all the time,

00:09:10
so dig deep into your voyeuristic selves and go.

00:09:13
Peep some of our stuff.

00:09:14
I do love voyeurism.

00:09:15
Oh yeah, I love watching.

00:09:17
You can go.

00:09:17
You can also go.

00:09:19
I'm a purple scrunchie.

00:09:22
Speaker 2: A purple scrunchie.

00:09:22
Speaker 1: Yes.

00:09:23
Speaker 2: That's voyeurism.

00:09:23
Yeah, that's what you want to watch, I will say if I was going

00:09:26
to be in that community, yeah, yeah, you'd be a purple.

00:09:28
Just throw the purple up there and be like hey, just invite me,

00:09:30
I want to just hang out.

00:09:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, let me get a couple beers.

00:09:33
Yeah, just some of them hips into it, bro.

00:09:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, munch on that thing.

00:09:36
All right, go ahead, keep going See.

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Speaker 1: Listen.

00:09:49
Speaker 2: I got Makers and Ginger, all right.

00:09:51
Speaker 1: This is one of those episodes.

00:09:52
Today We've partaked since I don't know.

00:09:56
Speaker 2: While we're trying to set up Studio Chlorophyll.

00:09:59
Speaker 1: Anyway, you can also go visit our friends over at

00:10:01
welcometodaucherycom, where you can find ourselves fright, flick

00:10:05
, fmk and true crime university.

00:10:07
Finally, if there's one thing that we ask of you, is that you

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go to apple podcast, spotify and good pods and leave us a

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Speaker 2: It costs you absolutely nothing to do and it

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will help us immensely in spreading the word that criminal

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af is I got to hit the echo voice, the number one true crime

00:10:29
podcast in the world, world, world.

00:10:35
Speaker 1: Mail call.

00:10:36
Oh my God, Mail call.

00:10:37
All right, it's time for mail call where you send in your

00:10:42
questions and we answer them honestly and truthfully.

00:10:43
No secrets allowed.

00:10:43
Could be anything you want to ask True crime questions, of

00:10:45
course.

00:10:45
Allowed could be anything you want to ask true crime questions

00:10:46
, of course, but also the you know, anything you want to know

00:10:48
about us, our deepest, darkest secrets, our hopes and dreams.

00:10:51
And whether or not Garrett is a top or a bottom.

00:10:54
Nothing is off limits.

00:10:56
Now we think you know Garris is , I'm gonna be a bottom.

00:11:01
Speaker 2: I don't.

00:11:02
I would totally top Dave style.

00:11:03
I don't see that.

00:11:04
Listen, it's that that front you put on.

00:11:07
I know deep down you want to be a little.

00:11:09
Yeah, I want to be dumbed you.

00:11:10
I think you want to be dumbed deep down.

00:11:12
It's all.

00:11:13
Speaker 1: It's all for gazey if we guys Now we try to get to

00:11:17
all the questions, but for time purposes we can only do three or

00:11:20
four.

00:11:20
So if you don't hear yours this episode, it'll be coming up in

00:11:21
a future episode.

00:11:22
Do three or four, so if you don't hear yours, this episode

00:11:22
it'll be coming up in a future episode.

00:11:24
And first up we have Kate Goanna, a friend down there from

00:11:28
Down.

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Speaker 2: Under, down Under, down Under Kate.

00:11:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, she has a two-part question.

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What did you guys think of Baby Reindeer?

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Did you watch it?

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No, that stalker like on Netflix.

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I didn't see it.

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Speaker 2: You didn't watch it no.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well, flicks, I didn't see it, you don't?

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Speaker 2: watch it.

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No, okay, well, I guess I'm answering this one.

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Uh, I didn't see it yet.

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Okay, I watched.

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Speaker 1: We've worked so much out over time in the last time I

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watched uh, you know, under the , you know the recommendation of

00:11:56
of kate actually, and a few other people from work um, I did

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start watching it it's definitely on my my list.

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I got a backlog right now, all right.

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Well, I'm not going to give any spoilers, but I will say I've

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watched maybe three episodes of it four and I had to turn it off

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.

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I was over it.

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Speaker 2: Really yeah, okay, so then maybe I skip it.

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Speaker 1: Well, you might like it.

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Okay, but basically so.

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The Baby Reindeer story is about a guy who has a stalker.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: It's this lady.

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Blah, blah, blah.

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He's like oh my God, look at me .

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Oh, I had a fucking stalker.

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Oh, woe is me.

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I made a story about it.

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Okay, true story.

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But as I'm like three or four episodes into it, I'm like this

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dude is kind of egging her on.

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He likes it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know like I think that happens more than

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people realize.

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Yeah, it's just like everybody loves the idea of being wanted,

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right?

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Yeah, who cares if it's the creepy guy who sits outside your

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window with a knife he likes you, yeah.

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Speaker 1: He just wants to watch, just let him watch, let

00:13:02
him watch, just let him watch.

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But anyways, yeah.

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So I don't know, I was watching this and I'm like this dude

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deserves everything he gets Because he's like I said, he's

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egging her on, he's kind of like lead her on a little bit.

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Some of the actions that he does is kind of misleading to

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her.

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You know what I mean?

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Yeah, so I don't know.

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You know what I mean?

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Yeah, so I don't know.

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Speaker 2: He got what he deserved.

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Good take, I like the take.

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Speaker 1: I stopped watching it because I'm just like this

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guy's a fucking idiot and you're pissing me off, so yeah.

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Speaker 2: Isn't it amazing how men just like if you're a man

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and a woman stalks you.

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It's not even close to the same thing as a male stalker on a

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female like oh yeah, dudes are crazy.

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Speaker 1: They're fucking crazy .

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Speaker 2: It's like you're not scared for your life, like if a

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male stalks a female it is.

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It's creepy, it's scary.

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Speaker 1: They're in your closet, yeah like they go in

00:14:00
your house, they're like it's just a totally different

00:14:03
atmosphere.

00:14:04
Yeah, I think like a woman stalker.

00:14:05
I could be wrong, but I think like a woman stalker is more.

00:14:08
Like you know, they try to hack into your Facebook.

00:14:13
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:14:14
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's more.

00:14:15
Speaker 2: Try to split up your marriage Like oh, let me check

00:14:17
his messages.

00:14:18
Yeah, they do yeah, but I'm sure there is where we would be

00:14:22
proven wrong.

00:14:22
Speaker 1: There's somewhere out there, oh yeah, some lady

00:14:25
Boiling a fucking rabbit in the fucking stove, yeah yeah.

00:14:27
So yeah, that's what I thought about Baby Reindeer.

00:14:29
I mean, some people like it Wasn't for me.

00:14:31
The guy fucking annoyed the shit out of me, gotcha, and he

00:14:35
deserves everything he got.

00:14:36
But anyway, I'll give Okay Now.

00:14:46
Her second question is can you clarify post-nut clarity?

00:14:49
So we did an episode.

00:14:50
Who is it?

00:14:51
The motherfucking virgin?

00:14:52
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:14:53
Speaker 1: Where he planned on killing his mother and then

00:14:56
killing his sister.

00:14:57
Yep, but after he killed his mother he got post-nut clarity.

00:15:00
He got post-nut clarity.

00:15:01
He was like you know what, I don't really want to kill my

00:15:03
sister anymore.

00:15:04
You know, Like that urge kind of goes away.

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Speaker 2: So post-nut clarity.

00:15:09
Speaker 1: Go ahead, Dave.

00:15:10
Speaker 2: You take it off, All right Well post-nut clarity can

00:15:13
mean a variant thing.

00:15:14
Speaker 1: So it could be like actual, like sex.

00:15:16
You know, like you're like, oh my god, I'm so horny right now.

00:15:31
And you're like, uh, and you go home and you have sex with your

00:15:33
wife or whatever or a random stranger, and, uh, after you nut

00:15:34
, you're like, oh okay, I'm good , you know whatever.

00:15:35
And it could also be like you know, if you're scrolling, like

00:15:36
porn or something yeah and you come across a scene and you know

00:15:40
you do your thing and then afterwards you're like yeah, why

00:15:44
did I do that for?

00:15:45
Yeah, it's also, it also could be.

00:15:47
Speaker 2: You know, post-sunk clarity could be.

00:15:48
The 2 am.

00:15:50
Bar's about to close.

00:15:51
You pick up a girl.

00:15:52
Yeah, she's not.

00:15:53
Yeah, she's not the girl you wanted to bring home, but she

00:15:56
however, you're gonna do it yeah , you're gonna do it, and then,

00:15:59
once after you, bust yeah, you're like, you're like ah,

00:16:03
it's, it's, ah, it's that moment after a man releases.

00:16:06
That sounds so fucking disgusting.

00:16:08
Speaker 1: No, it is.

00:16:08
Speaker 2: But that you realize all your choices up to that

00:16:11
point were just horrible.

00:16:13
Speaker 1: And then you want to run, you want to run away to the

00:16:15
hills, and that even happens in .

00:16:18
Speaker 2: Like you know, you hear stories about guys who are

00:16:20
just like don't touch me.

00:16:20
Speaker 1: Don't touch me After I don't touch me.

00:16:21
Don't touch me.

00:16:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah After.

00:16:26
Speaker 1: It's.

00:16:26
Speaker 2: I don't know.

00:16:27
It's primalistic, maybe because you're trying back in the

00:16:29
caveman days we were just trying to bust a nut and run.

00:16:36
Speaker 1: Anything you could?

00:16:36
Yeah, once you bust, you're fucking out.

00:16:39
Yeah, you're out.

00:16:39
Speaker 2: There's saber-toothed tigers chasing you and shit.

00:16:41
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

00:16:43
Speaker 2: That's also.

00:16:43
That's why, ladies, if a man comes quick, don't that's a

00:16:46
primal urge and a primal instinct that we have.

00:16:48
Alright, we gotta get the job done and we gotta be in and out.

00:16:50
Listen, there's cyber.

00:16:52
I said cyber-toothed there.

00:17:07
There you go, garrett logic.

00:17:07
Speaker 1: Right there, garrett logic.

00:17:08
He's more, he's.

00:17:08
He's at roots with his prime alert.

00:17:09
Yeah, yeah, I like it.

00:17:10
I'll go with that yep.

00:17:10
Speaker 2: So that's post-nut clarity.

00:17:12
That's pretty much wrapped up in a nutshell.

00:17:14
But the porn thing is is real.

00:17:15
You'll be like oh, you'll be into it, you'll be, you'll,

00:17:17
you'll do your thing.

00:17:18
And then you'll be like oh, what the fuck am I watching?

00:17:20
Speaker 1: what was I?

00:17:21
Yeah, oh yeah.

00:17:22
What was I thinking I watching?

00:17:24
What was I thinking?

00:17:25
It's shame.

00:17:25
It's basically shame.

00:17:26
After you come, you're just shame.

00:17:28
You're disgusted in yourself.

00:17:29
Speaker 2: It's like a fucking Protestant nun.

00:17:32
Speaker 1: Shame, shame, shame, shame.

00:17:34
Now there have been some pretty famous post-not-clarity serial

00:17:42
killers, you know, kind of like the goat Ed Kemper.

00:17:46
Yeah, you know.

00:17:48
Speaker 2: He just gave up.

00:17:49
Speaker 1: He killed his mother the subject of his fucking rage,

00:17:52
yep, yep, and fucked her body and her face and everything and

00:17:55
he was like I'm going to turn myself in yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm

00:17:58
good he ended it all off of a fucking post-nut clarity, yep.

00:18:02
That's what it is.

00:18:03
He did life in prison off a post-nut clarity, Yep.

00:18:06
So that's that.

00:18:07
So thank you very much, Kate Goina.

00:18:08
That was a good question.

00:18:09
Yeah, that was a good question, All right.

00:18:10
Next up we have Dylan8722, and Dylan asks if you could have 10

00:18:15
minutes with any serial killer, who would it be and what would

00:18:19
happen?

00:18:20
Speaker 2: Ooh, what would happen?

00:18:21
Ooh, what would happen?

00:18:22
Ten minutes?

00:18:22
That's such a tough question to answer off the top of the dome.

00:18:25
I don't know.

00:18:27
Go ahead.

00:18:28
Speaker 1: Everybody knows my fucking.

00:18:31
Speaker 2: Okay, Kemper.

00:18:32
Speaker 1: My serial killer crush is Kemper, so that would

00:18:35
be I mean, that's the easy answer I'll probably have to go

00:18:38
with BTK.

00:18:41
Speaker 2: I was listen.

00:18:41
I was alright, go ahead.

00:18:42
I was good, I literally thought of that two seconds ago.

00:18:45
Speaker 1: So my 10 minutes with BTK would consist of me beating

00:18:53
the living piss out of his fucking, disgusting, gross ass,

00:18:58
fucking face.

00:18:59
Speaker 2: BTK got to me.

00:19:00
That's one of the stories that I've like this episode obviously

00:19:04
is titled Albert Fish, right?

00:19:06
Speaker 1: So?

00:19:07
Speaker 2: we know he's the biggest scumbag of all time.

00:19:09
Piece of shit, yeah, but the BTK episode always gets to me.

00:19:13
I don't know what it is, yeah.

00:19:15
Speaker 1: Out of all the serial killers, BTK is probably the

00:19:19
biggest fucking scumbag there is alive.

00:19:22
Speaker 2: See, I instantly thought is for me.

00:19:25
I would kind of go into like a Dr Phil mode with BTK.

00:19:28
Speaker 1: I want to know.

00:19:28
Try to pick his brain a little bit.

00:19:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to know why, like dude, you almost got

00:19:32
away with it.

00:19:32
Why, why did you Like?

00:19:34
What was the point?

00:19:35
Like I just I feel like there's so many unanswered questions

00:19:38
there.

00:19:38
Did he want?

00:19:40
Did he like deep down?

00:19:41
Did he want to get caught?

00:19:42
Speaker 1: I guess he missed the whole fucking cat and mouse

00:19:44
kind of thing.

00:19:45
Yeah, but then keep going yeah, he was a fucking idiot.

00:19:48
He's like hey, can you trace a fucking floppy disk?

00:19:51
Speaker 2: That's what I mean.

00:19:52
Like are you fucking that stupid?

00:19:53
Speaker 1: And the cop's like no , no, we can't do that.

00:19:56
Speaker 2: That's like when you see, those like the police, the

00:19:59
police departments always joke on Facebook or whatever and they

00:20:01
post like oh don't have your plug today on Christmas.

00:20:05
Speaker 1: Call us and we'll come and deliver your weed, for

00:20:07
you Are you going to really do that Right right, right, fucking

00:20:10
idiot.

00:20:10
Yeah, 100% BTK.

00:20:12
And I would beat the living piss out of him the entire 10

00:20:15
minutes and then I would curb, stomp his fucking skull and

00:20:18
smash his fucking brain.

00:20:19
Fair enough.

00:20:20
Speaker 2: Fair enough.

00:20:21
I like the Dr Phil aspect of I could choose any serial killer I

00:20:26
would just like to really deep dive.

00:20:29
Just pick their fucking brain.

00:20:31
Speaker 1: Who hurt you when you were?

00:20:32
Speaker 2: younger Learn more about all those unanswered

00:20:35
questions that we always come up .

00:20:37
Speaker 1: So you're interested in the psychology.

00:20:38
Speaker 2: Oh, I would love that .

00:20:39
I just want to go in there and beat their fucking head, yeah,

00:20:41
but mean they're behind bars, they're going to die anyway,

00:20:45
they serve their justice.

00:20:47
Speaker 1: I'm fucking petty, though.

00:20:48
I'm petty as fuck, dude.

00:20:50
It's true, I am fucking petty as fuck.

00:20:52
I want to make people suffer who deserve to fucking suffer.

00:20:55
You're like Dexter, dude, yeah.

00:20:57
Speaker 2: You are Dexter.

00:20:58
Speaker 1: Dexter.

00:20:59
All right, all right, thank you very much, dylan.

00:21:01
That was a pretty good question as well.

00:21:03
Now we have one that was sent in quite a while ago, and I must

00:21:06
have missed it.

00:21:07
Speaker 2: Okay.

00:21:07
Speaker 1: I mean quite a while ago, meaning like November.

00:21:10
Speaker 2: Oh, wow.

00:21:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, it fell out, so I sincerely apologize, but it's

00:21:15
from Michael McHugh from down in Australia.

00:21:18
Speaker 2: Oh, another down on that, yep.

00:21:19
Speaker 1: And he asked do you worry for your family's safety?

00:21:22
The more you research and discover how much evil there is

00:21:26
out there, he adds in big love from Sydney, australia.

00:21:30
Speaker 2: That is such a good question.

00:21:31
Speaker 1: How the fuck did you let that go?

00:21:32
Hey fuck, how did you let that?

00:21:35
Speaker 2: That's such a good one for us.

00:21:36
Speaker 1: It's a very good question.

00:21:37
It's a very, very good question and I apologize, michael, so

00:21:40
sorry.

00:21:41
I hope you're still listening.

00:21:42
We didn't get pissed off and be like, oh, they didn't answer my

00:21:44
fucking question, fuck them.

00:21:45
Yeah, yeah.

00:21:45
But anyway, do I worry?

00:21:48
The thought has crossed my mind that there's could possibly be

00:21:55
a serial killer out there that listens to the show and they.

00:21:58
I mean we talk about where we're from.

00:21:59
We don't hide the fact where we're from.

00:22:01
Yeah, you know what I mean, and I drive around with a fucking

00:22:04
sticker on my fucking car.

00:22:05
I know, yeah.

00:22:06
Speaker 2: Dave has a giant mural of Criminal AF on the side

00:22:09
of his car.

00:22:09
By the way, guys, If you're ever in Connecticut and you're

00:22:12
looking around.

00:22:12
You want to know.

00:22:15
Speaker 1: Well, it's got one of those fucking scan things that

00:22:18
people have been.

00:22:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you do get afraid.

00:22:20
So people can.

00:22:21
Yeah, so you do get afraid.

00:22:22
Speaker 1: I've thought about it .

00:22:23
Yeah, not afraid, but I've thought about it.

00:22:24
Somebody who's just like you know what?

00:22:25
Fuck these guys yeah fuck these motherfuckers.

00:22:27
Speaker 2: Piece of shit.

00:22:28
I think also he's asking as you do research and you listen to

00:22:33
these stories.

00:22:33
Speaker 1: You hear these horrific crimes.

00:22:34
Speaker 2: Are you afraid for your family, for?

00:22:37
Speaker 1: something bad In general.

00:22:38
In general, not just because of the podcast and stuff like that

00:22:41
.

00:22:41
Speaker 2: He's also saying this and I agree with you.

00:22:43
Yes, 100%.

00:22:45
It has opened my eyes a little bit.

00:22:47
You know, daughter, wife, the whole nine, my son, I have young

00:22:52
kids and it's terrifying, but I will tell you this Come to my

00:22:57
house, motherfucker.

00:22:57
Speaker 1: I swear to God I can hit a quarter at 50 yards.

00:23:00
Baby and my wife can shoot too All right, so sorry, it took

00:23:10
fucking 18 months to get to your fucking question, Michael

00:23:12
McHugh, but that was actually a fucking very thought-provoking

00:23:15
which spawned off into fucking other conversations.

00:23:18
I will say, though it does.

00:23:20
Speaker 2: I hear these stories and stuff like that and I just

00:23:21
think and my wife does too.

00:23:23
My wife watches.

00:23:24
It's just like all of the people that listen to this

00:23:25
podcast.

00:23:26
She's a huge true crime fan, yeah, and she just consumes

00:23:29
every single episode and and netflix special and amazon prime

00:23:34
special yeah and it just it's in her head.

00:23:36
She'll.

00:23:37
She'll hear a noise at night and jump up like she'll have

00:23:41
terrors in the night.

00:23:42
It night.

00:23:42
You psych yourself out when you listen to this shit 24-7.

00:23:46
Speaker 1: Since we've been doing this podcast, there's

00:23:48
definitely things that I pick up on.

00:23:50
If I'm leaving the store, I'll see if there's a note left on my

00:23:55
fucking windshield.

00:23:55
Listen from Criminal AF.

00:23:59
If you ever walk out of a store and there's a flyer or a note

00:24:03
to your windshield, you know underneath your windshield wiper

00:24:05
, get in your car and drive away .

00:24:07
Yeah, don't waste your time trying to get the fucking thing

00:24:11
off your fucking.

00:24:11
No, I mean, get to a safe place and take it off.

00:24:13
You know what I mean, because that's a ploy too for sex.

00:24:16
You know human trafficking, yeah, you know they put these

00:24:20
things.

00:24:20
So when you get out to fucking take it off your fucking

00:24:22
windshield, they're like whoop, they swipe you up and fucking

00:24:24
take you out in a fucking white van.

00:24:25
Yep, you know.

00:24:26
So there are certain things I pick up on, yeah.

00:24:29
So again, thank you very much, michael.

00:24:31
Sorry, it took so long to fucking answer that question.

00:24:33
Finally, we have Holly Moe and she has some rapid fire

00:24:37
questions.

00:24:37
Garrett, rapid fire 10 for me 10 for you.

00:24:41
Speaker 2: Okay, go, go, go.

00:24:42
So.

00:24:42
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you first.

00:24:44
Speaker 2: Okay.

00:24:44
Speaker 1: All right virtue or sin Sin baby.

00:24:50
Speaker 2: That's what I'm talking about.

00:24:51
I like the sin.

00:24:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the problem.

00:24:54
Name four of the seven dwarfs.

00:24:57
Speaker 2: Sleepy, grumpy, bashful dopey.

00:25:02
Speaker 1: Okay, boom, there you go.

00:25:03
Do you want to live forever?

00:25:06
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I've told you this.

00:25:08
I think I've told you this I don't plan on living until I'm

00:25:11
100 and fucking like shitting yourself.

00:25:15
Speaker 1: No, I I told my kids the moment I shit myself like

00:25:19
without knowing that I shit myself like if I'm just sitting

00:25:22
there and I'm just like ugh, pfft, yeah, just put me out of

00:25:24
my misery.

00:25:25
Speaker 2: I don't want to live like that.

00:25:25
I don't want to be in a home.

00:25:27
I don't want to be a burden on my fucking kids and their kids

00:25:30
and all that stuff.

00:25:31
Speaker 1: The moment somebody has to wipe my ass, I'm fucking

00:25:33
out.

00:25:33
I'm going to pull a man call.

00:25:38
I'm going to boys in the car in the garage while the fucking

00:25:41
while the tube's in there.

00:25:42
Why did it be nice?

00:25:44
Speaker 2: if we could Fucking done.

00:25:47
No, that's not funny.

00:25:48
That's not funny.

00:25:49
I shouldn't joke around, call it.

00:25:50
That's not what I want to.

00:25:52
I don't want to live forever like till I'm super old or

00:25:56
forever, and see everybody that I love and care about, and then

00:25:58
you're just by yourself as an old man.

00:26:00
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:26:01
Speaker 2: That sounds horrible.

00:26:02
Speaker 1: Yeah it by yourself as an old man.

00:26:02
Yeah, no, that sounds horrible.

00:26:04
Yeah, yeah, that's awful, all right, all right.

00:26:05
Rapid fire, rapid fire, all right.

00:26:06
What's for dinner tonight?

00:26:08
Speaker 2: Black people mac and cheese.

00:26:11
Speaker 1: It's good too.

00:26:12
I had some Kelly made it Damn.

00:26:14
She was on point with that fucking mac and cheese.

00:26:16
She's trained, yeah, all right, how many pull-ups.

00:26:22
Speaker 2: God, it's been so long since I tried that I don't

00:26:23
know 20?

00:26:25
.

00:26:27
Speaker 1: You feel confident you can do 20.

00:26:27
Speaker 2: Right now I can do 20 .

00:26:28
I don't weigh much.

00:26:29
Speaker 1: It's very easy for me , okay, but are you strong

00:26:30
enough to?

00:26:31
Yeah, I can do 20.

00:26:32
Speaker 2: I used to be able to knock out like 35.

00:26:34
Speaker 1: We're going to do a challenge On a good day.

00:26:36
We're going to do a Patreon.

00:26:38
Speaker 2: Back when I actually was in shape.

00:26:39
Okay, I bet you, I could force myself to do 20.

00:26:41
I can mind over matter, even if I'm starting to struggle at

00:26:43
like 10.

00:26:44
Speaker 1: All right, mark this down.

00:26:45
We're going to do a Patreon exclusive video.

00:26:48
I will beat you in pull-ups, I can't do one, okay, yeah.

00:26:51
Speaker 2: I'm just saying You're committing to 20.

00:26:52
I can do 20.

00:26:53
You're committing to 20.

00:26:59
I've always been good at pull-ups.

00:27:00
I'm not saying I'm strong.

00:27:02
Speaker 1: Underhand or overhand Underhand.

00:27:05
Speaker 2: Actually overhand's easier.

00:27:06
No, no, no, you said underhand.

00:27:11
Speaker 1: Underhand pull-ups 20 of them Overhand.

00:27:13
Speaker 2: No.

00:27:14
Next question.

00:27:17
Speaker 1: Alright, tea or coffee Coffee, I love tea.

00:27:19
I do like a chai tea.

00:27:22
I love tea, but coffee, chai tea, I love tea, but coffee are

00:27:25
reindeers, real creatures.

00:27:26
Yes, yes, they are yes they are .

00:27:28
Do they fly?

00:27:29
Speaker 2: no but they're real.

00:27:31
Speaker 1: Say something in an Asian language.

00:27:33
I can do it go ahead, say one.

00:27:36
Speaker 2: No, this is your question.

00:27:36
What do you want me to say?

00:27:37
I want to see you do it what's that?

00:27:39
Like hi, how are you?

00:27:42
Speaker 1: that's that like hi, how are?

00:27:43
Speaker 2: you?

00:27:43
No, that's me home.

00:27:44
Ah no, that's Chinese, I'm doing Japanese oh, you doing

00:27:45
Japanese.

00:27:47
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, that's Japanese, yeah, if we

00:27:53
have any Japanese okay all right , do you, do you respect Kanye

00:27:58
West?

00:27:59
Speaker 2: no, no, I didn't even like Kanye when he was cool.

00:28:04
Speaker 1: Sorry, go ahead All right.

00:28:06
What's the fastest speed you've ever driven a car?

00:28:08
Speaker 2: Wasn't on a car, street bike 167.

00:28:12
On a bike 167, I think I hit before I let go 167-ish.

00:28:20
And it was on a motorcycle and I'm telling you right now,

00:28:21
anybody who rides, let's listen to the podcast and understand.

00:28:24
There's no better fucking thrill in this world.

00:28:26
167 on a bike.

00:28:28
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:28:28
Speaker 2: The tunnel vision that you get is on an R1 1000

00:28:32
liter bike.

00:28:32
Oh, dude, you get this tunnel vision where the helmet, just

00:28:36
you can only see out of a pinhole.

00:28:38
Really yeah, and you just know that rush, I'm telling you.

00:28:51
Speaker 1: How old were you jump out of an airplane?

00:28:52
Speaker 2: I don't know 20s, 20, 22 23, dumb young oh, that's

00:28:53
still dumb young, dumb full of cum.

00:28:54
Yeah, that was still a dumb age .

00:28:55
Yeah, oh, no, not now.

00:28:55
Are you crazy?

00:28:56
When I got my, I I got.

00:28:56
When I got my in my motorcycle accident, I was only doing like

00:28:59
40 miles an hour yeah.

00:29:00
I just got fucked, but yeah, like 167, I think it's on an R1.

00:29:07
Yeah, 2004 R1.

00:29:08
Do you want?

00:29:09
Speaker 1: to talk about your accident.

00:29:11
Speaker 2: No, no, no, that's all right?

00:29:12
Speaker 1: No, we have a lot of people that would be like A lot

00:29:15
of dog fans here.

00:29:16
I did.

00:29:18
Speaker 2: I murdered a one-year-old German Shepherd

00:29:21
puppy guys murdered a one-year-old German Shepherd

00:29:22
puppy guys, garrett.

00:29:23
I tore my ACL, tore my meniscus , broke my left hand, permanent

00:29:28
nerve damage.

00:29:28
Yeah, but the dog ran into me, to be honest.

00:29:30
Speaker 1: Okay.

00:29:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a brutal time.

00:29:33
Speaker 1: Minding its own business.

00:29:34
Yep, here comes Garrett.

00:29:36
Speaker 2: Just cruising at 40.

00:29:37
Yeah, but yeah, 167.

00:29:39
That's my answer.

00:29:40
Speaker 1: All right, all right On a motorcycle.

00:29:42
We got some for me.

00:29:43
All right, here we go.

00:29:44
Speaker 2: Yep, godfather, all right, do not fuck this up,

00:29:47
please, because I know you're going to, not Yo, this is going

00:29:49
to piss me off.

00:29:50
The first question Godfather or Star Wars?

00:29:52
Godfather, why?

00:29:57
All right, you want to know why .

00:30:01
Cinematic masterpiece, one of the greatest arcs in the fucking

00:30:04
entire cinematic universe.

00:30:05
But, okay, we'll go with.

00:30:06
Speaker 1: Godfather, go ahead All right, it's a good movie.

00:30:10
Who's the guy that plays Anakin Skywalker?

00:30:14
Speaker 2: Hayden Christensen.

00:30:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, awful, awful, fucking acting.

00:30:19
I won't say that.

00:30:20
Speaker 2: No, the scripts suck for him, his words suck.

00:30:23
All right, we're not going into a movie today, are we?

00:30:25
Speaker 1: Yes, so well in my generation, the one, two and

00:30:28
three, which is then turned into three, four and five.

00:30:31
Yes, empire Strikes Back.

00:30:34
Speaker 2: It goes.

00:30:34
Three, four and five came out first.

00:30:36
Speaker 1: Right.

00:30:37
Speaker 2: One, two and three came out next Okay, yeah three,

00:30:39
four and five.

00:30:40
Speaker 1: So the ones I grew up with, yeah, awesome,

00:30:44
groundbreaking, amazing.

00:30:46
So then they came out with the Hayden Christensen ones.

00:30:50
Speaker 2: Yes, the prequels.

00:30:51
Speaker 1: So they came out with the prequels Yep, awful, awful,

00:30:54
fucking acting Stop.

00:30:55
It was just like Stop, it's like Fast and the Furious, with

00:31:04
fucking Paul Walker when he was like bro, bro, bro, like every

00:31:04
fucking two seconds.

00:31:04
Hayden Christensen in that fucking role was just fucking

00:31:06
awful.

00:31:06
Now, when you start getting into like Jar Jar Binks.

00:31:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course it was groundbreaking CGI.

00:31:11
At that point they didn't know what to do.

00:31:13
Those are good, what that was the worst.

00:31:15
No, Jar Jar Binks is the greatest fucking Star Wars.

00:31:19
You're going to annoy me.

00:31:22
Speaker 1: Jar Jar.

00:31:23
Speaker 2: Me.

00:31:23
So Star Wars I will say this before you go on the fact that

00:31:30
the prequels are getting love now because they were shit on by

00:31:31
the boomers that liked the original Star Wars back in the

00:31:34
day.

00:31:34
I'm not a boomer, I know I'm talking about even older than

00:31:37
that the people that were like I love Star Wars and all that

00:31:41
stuff they got shit on back in the late 90s, early 2000s

00:31:44
whenever they came out.

00:31:45
They're getting love now and I like that.

00:31:49
Speaker 1: I can't no, Because they deserve it.

00:31:50
The Revenge of the Sith is one of the greatest movies ever made

00:31:54
.

00:31:54
The story is good.

00:31:54
I like the story of it, but Anakin Go back and watch it All

00:32:00
right.

00:32:01
Next, next question.

00:32:02
Speaker 2: I can't do it.

00:32:02
You're asking me, godfather, you're right.

00:32:04
Speaker 1: Alright, Godfather.

00:32:05
Godfather's a great movie.

00:32:06
1, 2, and 3, Godfather.

00:32:10
Speaker 2: Star Wars as a whole is just.

00:32:11
Do you like the word dapper?

00:32:14
I do use it.

00:32:16
You're looking pretty dapper today.

00:32:17
I've heard you say it a couple times.

00:32:21
Speaker 1: I like dapper, you look pretty Dapper Dapper's nice

00:32:23
.

00:32:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's nice, big dogs, small dogs or no dogs, ooh

00:32:27
.

00:32:29
Speaker 1: I've had big dogs, I've always had big dogs.

00:32:31
I've had, you know.

00:32:33
Speaker 2: Well, what do you consider big dog?

00:32:35
Speaker 1: Like Pitbull Shepard.

00:32:38
Speaker 2: See, I don't think those are big dogs, but mine

00:32:40
were big.

00:32:40
German Shepherds can get pretty big, but Pit Bulls are fairly

00:32:44
small.

00:32:44
No, mine were.

00:32:45
Speaker 1: They're heavy and stocky, but they're not big dogs

00:32:47
, mine wasn't like a full pit, it was a pit mix, oh okay, so it

00:32:50
was a decent size.

00:32:51
So now that I'm getting older I would say I want a nice small

00:32:55
dog I can cuddle with.

00:32:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, come on dogs Like that 30 pound range

00:33:05
, 30 to 40 pounds, Big enough to like the Yorkies that you deal

00:33:07
with.

00:33:07
You have to lift them up and fucking help them around the

00:33:10
house and shit like that.

00:33:11
I want a dog that can fend for itself and won't get taken away

00:33:15
from a hawk.

00:33:16
Speaker 1: That is factual, but like it's not so big that

00:33:20
they're knocking the fucking drink off the nightstand.

00:33:22
Speaker 2: I like a medium sized dog, my favorite dog of all,

00:33:23
but like it's not so big that they're knocking the fucking

00:33:23
your drink off the nightstand.

00:33:24
Yeah, I like a medium-sized dog .

00:33:25
Speaker 1: My favorite dog of all time is a boxer.

00:33:27
I fucking love boxers.

00:33:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, they've got so much energy.

00:33:29
Speaker 1: I fucking love boxers , but the older I get I don't

00:33:33
have the energy to deal with those high-energy dogs.

00:33:36
High-energy dogs, yeah.

00:33:37
So I just want a nice little dog I sit in my lap.

00:33:40
Speaker 2: I love a good chihuahua.

00:33:41
Speaker 1: People hate on chihuahuas.

00:33:42
I love them.

00:33:43
There's so much fucking, especially the chihuahuas, with

00:33:46
their eyes going in different directions and bug the fuck out.

00:33:52
Speaker 2: You got a big ass apple head.

00:33:54
Speaker 1: Your head's bigger than their fucking body.

00:33:57
Speaker 2: I like them.

00:33:57
How many hours of sleep do you need?

00:34:02
Speaker 1: Four.

00:34:03
I can get by in four hours of sleep a day.

00:34:06
Speaker 2: You're grumpy, you're a little grumpy goose.

00:34:08
On four hours Me, yeah, I get a little ornery, you're a little

00:34:11
grumpy, you need six.

00:34:13
Speaker 1: I can never get six, though I know my longest is four

00:34:17
hours at a clip, like if I have a whole day off, like I can

00:34:22
sleep four hours, I'm up, then I'll take a nap, but I can never

00:34:27
.

00:34:27
For some fucking reason, I can never sleep more than four hours

00:34:30
Ever.

00:34:31
Speaker 2: And then you wake up.

00:34:32
Well, you go back to bed, though Sometimes.

00:34:35
Sometimes, yeah, yeah, I'm like six.

00:34:38
As long as I get six, I can function.

00:34:39
Yeah, fine, anything less than six, I'm fucking miserable.

00:34:44
Yeah, are women complicated?

00:34:48
Speaker 1: I'm so fucking loony.

00:34:49
I'm so fucking loony I can't figure them out for nothing.

00:34:52
I'm like fucking going on.

00:34:53
I'll be 50 next week and I still haven't figured them out.

00:34:58
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, I mean.

00:35:00
Speaker 1: I know what buttons to push, if you know what I'm

00:35:02
saying.

00:35:02
Speaker 2: Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity.

00:35:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, it's complicated.

00:35:09
Speaker 2: I'll say yes, they are complicated.

00:35:11
I'm asking you, never mind.

00:35:13
Speaker 1: No, no, no, let's hear it.

00:35:14
Where's Kelly?

00:35:15
Speaker 2: No, no no, I'll say.

00:35:16
Of course women are complicated , just like men are to them, but

00:35:24
I feel like it's not complicated to understand what

00:35:26
you need to do to stay out of the hot seat, do you know?

00:35:28
Speaker 1: what I mean.

00:35:29
Speaker 2: I think it's very complex, but I think a lot of

00:35:33
men don't do the bare necessities to stay out of the

00:35:36
bare minimum.

00:35:36
Yeah, like they won't Bare necessities, a simple bare

00:35:41
necessity.

00:35:42
That's not what you want to do to him.

00:35:45
Oh yeah, Lucy will like this one.

00:35:47
All right, Lucy.

00:35:47
Speaker 1: Say good day mate in an Australian accent.

00:35:50
Speaker 2: You just did it for me.

00:35:50
No, I needed you to do it.

00:35:52
Good day mate.

00:35:53
Oh, actually, yours sounds pretty good.

00:35:55
Crikey, crikey.

00:35:56
I'm a little bit dark and mysterious.

00:36:01
A little bit dark and mysterious.

00:36:07
I'm a little bit dark and twisted.

00:36:07
The Australian accent is so good, dude look at these wild

00:36:10
crocs.

00:36:11
Speaker 1: No, that was fucking awful love on the spectrum.

00:36:14
Speaker 2: Australia just changed my mind on the

00:36:16
Australian accent, for sure love on the spectrum.

00:36:18
Speaker 1: Australia is hands down the greatest fucking show

00:36:20
ever.

00:36:21
Speaker 2: I will say it's top three shows to ever come out on

00:36:24
Netflix, ever, ever, like.

00:36:27
Oh, it's so good.

00:36:28
Speaker 1: Blows the US version out of the water.

00:36:30
Speaker 2: The US version sucks, yeah, and that stupid animation

00:36:32
bitch that I hate so much.

00:36:33
Sorry, he just spit out his beer.

00:36:36
I like animation.

00:36:39
Sorry, I can't make it.

00:36:44
Speaker 1: What's your favorite carb, but sadly you know what?

00:36:46
I would bang the fucking shit out of that carb.

00:36:47
Speaker 2: I know you would, you fucking weirdo.

00:36:58
Speaker 1: All right, what's your boyfriend's?

00:37:02
Speaker 2: name.

00:37:02
What's your boyfriend's name?

00:37:03
What's your boyfriend's?

00:37:04
Speaker 1: name?

00:37:04
I don't know.

00:37:04
But while he watches, Alright, what's your favorite car?

00:37:09
He's a purple fucking Lufa sponge.

00:37:13
Speaker 2: What's your favorite car?

00:37:14
Bread, pasta, rice or potatoes?

00:37:16
Speaker 1: Ooh, I'm gonna go with pasta.

00:37:18
Pasta that fits you can't beat it.

00:37:22
Potatoes close.

00:37:23
Second Pasta.

00:37:23
Speaker 2: That fits, that fits, you can't beat it yeah.

00:37:25
Speaker 1: Potatoes close second .

00:37:27
Speaker 2: Potatoes good, because you can just do so much

00:37:28
with it.

00:37:29
Yeah, alright.

00:37:30
If you could ask God One question, what would it be?

00:37:32
Speaker 1: Oh god, oh, this would be a good question for you

00:37:35
, garrett.

00:37:36
No, go ahead.

00:37:36
No.

00:37:37
If I could ask God One question , what would it be?

00:37:39
Wow, hmm, can you make my penis bigger?

00:37:46
Speaker 2: yeah, but how big do you?

00:37:47
Speaker 1: why did you make me average inches?

00:37:50
Speaker 2: average is is fair.

00:37:53
Speaker 1: You don't want fucking sorry, all right, yeah,

00:37:57
uh, yeah, no, I'm not joking.

00:37:59
I would would ask that.

00:38:00
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:38:01
Speaker 1: All right, next up.

00:38:02
Speaker 2: Stale Sour Patch Kids or Fresh Circus Peanuts.

00:38:05
What?

00:38:05
Speaker 1: the fuck.

00:38:06
Fresh Circus Peanuts.

00:38:07
Ugh what you don't like peanuts from the circus.

00:38:10
No, you got to crack them open.

00:38:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're nice and warm.

00:38:14
And then there's like people are just feeding like pigs in

00:38:16
the fucking stands.

00:38:18
You got to walk through peanut, walk-through peanut.

00:38:20
Speaker 1: No, you would eat stale sour patch kids, yep.

00:38:22
Speaker 2: Really Fuck a circus peanut Wow.

00:38:25
Dude, that's the worst when you go to a bar that allows people

00:38:27
to just like chop and leave all the shit that adds to the

00:38:30
ambiance.

00:38:31
No.

00:38:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gross.

00:38:33
I don't know Paper or plastic.

00:38:34
I do enjoy a good plastic.

00:38:36
I miss plastic straws.

00:38:40
Speaker 2: What do you mean?

00:38:42
Speaker 1: I miss plastic straws .

00:38:42
Speaker 2: I'm drinking on a plastic straw right now.

00:38:44
You're saying how like Starbucks yeah.

00:38:46
Speaker 1: The paper straws are fucking an awful creation.

00:38:48
Speaker 2: Oh, they're the worst .

00:38:49
They're the worst.

00:38:50
They don't make any sense to me .

00:38:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like styrofoam yeah, styrofoam,

00:39:03
styrofoam cups.

00:39:04
Are't care what anyone says.

00:39:05
I do miss the Dunkin' Coffees in the styrofoam cup.

00:39:06
Speaker 2: Yes, dunkin' used to.

00:39:07
Oh, the Dunkin' Coffee tasted better in the styrofoam cup.

00:39:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%, I agree, yeah, alright, yeah, plastic

00:39:15
slash styrofoam styrofoam was the shit too bad it's like bad

00:39:19
for the environment.

00:39:19
Speaker 2: I know they're like yeah, okay, and I get it.

00:39:23
Speaker 1: All right yeah, so that was pretty good.

00:39:25
Speaker 2: I liked it I love rapid fire.

00:39:27
Speaker 1: I liked it, yeah.

00:39:28
So if you guys got any rapid fire questions you want to ask

00:39:30
us send them in.

00:39:30
That wasn't really rapid fire, but it wasn't, but it's good.

00:39:38
Yeah, I like it.

00:39:38
I like those, everybody who sent them in.

00:39:40
You know, that was great To send us in questions for a

00:39:43
future episode.

00:39:44
Just go to criminalasfuckcom and click on the send it in tab.

00:39:48
Speaker 2: All right, let's go to Florida, let's do it.

00:39:50
Yee-hoo, what in the fuck is going on in Florida?

00:40:08
Martin County, florida, a naked man crashed his car into a

00:40:11
Florida jail saying he wanted to kill everybody.

00:40:15
Speaker 1: Hey, that's like down .

00:40:15
That's Jensen Beach area, Port St.

00:40:18
Speaker 2: Lucie.

00:40:19
One of my best friends lives there.

00:40:20
Oh really, yeah, yeah, yeah, port St Lucie, all right.

00:40:24
A video shows a car crashing into the lobby of a Florida jail

00:40:27
that was driven by a man who authorities said was naked from

00:40:30
waist down and threatened to kill officers.

00:40:33
The incident happened late Monday night at the lobby of the

00:40:37
Martin County Jail when a 40-year-old, joseph Leedy, drove

00:40:41
his car through the entrance.

00:40:42
The sheriff's officer said Surveillance videos released by

00:40:45
the sheriff's office showed the Toyota sedan slamming into the

00:40:48
front doors.

00:40:48
Leidy got out of his car wearing a woman's blouse and no

00:40:51
pants, then poured motor oil on the floor and said he wanted to

00:40:56
set it on fire.

00:40:57
The authority said he also made homicidal statements about

00:41:00
police officers and said he wanted to kill everyone and

00:41:02
threw rubber snakes on the floor .

00:41:04
Shut the fuck up.

00:41:05
This is real Dude.

00:41:08
Imagine being the guy working the front desk at the fucking

00:41:11
intake.

00:41:11
Speaker 1: Like what the fuck?

00:41:13
Speaker 2: Authorities said While our deputies were

00:41:16
interacting with him, he kept saying things like the devil

00:41:18
told me to kill everyone.

00:41:19
And he kept oh, that's a pussy way out though we all know

00:41:22
that's a pussy way out and he kept sharing his disdain for

00:41:25
President Donald Trump Fuck Donald Trump.

00:41:28
Chief Deputy John Berdinski said at the news conference

00:41:36
Tuesday.

00:41:37
According to WPTY, leidy fought the deputies in fire rescue

00:41:38
before he was tased.

00:41:39
He fought fire deputies and the fire rescue.

00:41:42
He was going out.

00:41:43
Speaker 1: He's like throwing fucking rubber snakes everywhere

00:41:45
and he's like Drop it in oil, drop it in oil.

00:41:48
Speaker 2: He was eventually restrained and taken to the

00:41:50
hospital.

00:41:50
Brudensky said Paramedics gave Leidy multiple doses of ketamine

00:41:54
to calm down.

00:41:55
Speaker 1: Damn, I wish.

00:41:56
Speaker 2: I was him.

00:41:56
I know right, you get a free K-hole trip if you fucking wig

00:42:00
out.

00:42:00
But it did not sedate him.

00:42:02
That's kind of even crazier.

00:42:03
Speaker 1: He was later booked.

00:42:04
Oh, he had to be on fucking like some synthetic shit.

00:42:06
Oh yeah, he was probably doing some PCP.

00:42:08
Speaker 2: He was later booked into jail on charges of

00:42:10
aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and criminal

00:42:12
mischief, that's it.

00:42:13
Nah For driving his car through .

00:42:16
Speaker 1: Into a jail yeah.

00:42:18
Speaker 2: And We'll include the video, the pictures.

00:42:20
The video's wild.

00:42:21
Yeah, it's in there.

00:42:22
Officials said no one was in the lobby at the time of the

00:42:24
crash, but the incident caused thousands of dollars in damages.

00:42:28
Brudinsky said authorities believe Leidy was under the

00:42:30
influence of controlled substance, but they're awaiting

00:42:32
the results.

00:42:33
Speaker 1: You think?

00:42:39
Speaker 2: The medication that a normal person would be sedated

00:42:40
by was not affecting him at all.

00:42:41
That does lead us to believe they built up a tolerance

00:42:42
between two different types of drugs, Brudinsky said.

00:42:44
Speaker 1: So he had a tolerance to ketamine which they were

00:42:47
fucking dumping into his fucking body.

00:42:49
Yeah, that's so interesting, I didn't know that that's what

00:42:52
they would be giving people.

00:42:54
Speaker 2: It just goes to show how far ketamine has come.

00:42:56
They wouldn't give you ketamine to sedate you back in the day.

00:42:59
They're starting to realize the benefits into that.

00:43:02
Speaker 1: Not that you're an expert no, I'm not an expert on

00:43:09
ketamine but what is ketamine?

00:43:10
Is that a sedative You're not going to give me this time?

00:43:11
Is that a sedative?

00:43:13
It is a sedative.

00:43:14
Speaker 2: It is a medicine that they give horses before surgery

00:43:17
, almost like an adult Xanax.

00:43:19
Speaker 1: Okay, you know what I'm trying to say.

00:43:21
Speaker 2: They use it to sedate horses and other large animals.

00:43:25
Speaker 1: It's horse-powered Tranquilizer, xanax, a horse

00:43:29
tranquilizer.

00:43:30
Speaker 2: It's a horse tranquilizer.

00:43:31
It's not Xanax, but I'm just saying it would be the

00:43:33
equivalent of like calming.

00:43:34
Speaker 1: So they're giving this guy a horse tranquilizer, a

00:43:37
horse tranquilizer.

00:43:37
And it's not even fucking effective.

00:43:38
Speaker 2: Yes, but that's the thing.

00:43:39
It affects people different than it does horses, because a

00:43:42
horse doesn't trip.

00:43:43
Actually, who knows, a horse might trip balls when they're on

00:43:46
ketamine.

00:43:47
You can't tell you that they're tripping balls, but it'll put

00:43:49
you in a K-hole which is like you're just zoom.

00:43:52
You're in a fucking whole other world.

00:43:55
Speaker 1: You trip.

00:43:57
Speaker 2: It's a psychedelic at the end of the day, even though

00:43:59
it's considered something else, but it gives off hallucinations

00:44:02
and all that other stuff.

00:44:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're not an expert.

00:44:04
No, I'm not an expert.

00:44:05
Speaker 2: I'm not, it's just stuff.

00:44:06
All right, go ahead.

00:44:07
Next Episode leader.

00:44:09
Oh man All right.

00:44:15
I don't understand the snakes though, and the oil, the motor

00:44:21
oil, I get that.

00:44:22
Maybe trying to start.

00:44:23
Speaker 1: You're trying to start a fire, yeah, but but yeah

00:44:26
, the snakes are.

00:44:29
Speaker 2: Do you know how wild that has to be?

00:44:30
As like that, that's yeah, you listen, you go, you decide as a,

00:44:35
as a like a career choice that you're going to help, you're

00:44:37
going to do something good you become a police officer?

00:44:39
Yes, yeah yeah you, you go through months of training, go

00:44:45
through on-job training.

00:44:47
You see some wild shit, but then you see this guy bust

00:44:49
through and throw motor oil snakes in a blouse with his dick

00:44:54
out and just scream fuck Donald Trump.

00:44:58
Like at what point did police officers just say like I don't,

00:45:01
I'm done.

00:45:03
Speaker 1: I'm over this.

00:45:03
Yeah, sir, sir, and then he's not.

00:45:08
Speaker 2: Like you're trying to give him ketamine, he's not

00:45:09
coming down.

00:45:09
You're tasing him.

00:45:10
He's fucking fine, like, yeah, it's a crazy job, it's a wild

00:45:15
job.

00:45:16
Speaker 1: I still I give out every, every officers out there

00:45:19
when I was, when I was younger, I actually applied to be a

00:45:22
police officer pretty much all through high school at you know

00:45:25
all that like I wanted to be a cop.

00:45:27
Yeah, that was my, like, my goal, you know yeah same today,

00:45:31
like I have to like hand it to people oh yeah who become police

00:45:35
officers today, especially the ones that like we know, fucking

00:45:39
wild like they're out on injuries.

00:45:41
Yeah, it's, it's yeah it's wild to be a cop right now.

00:45:45
Wild.

00:45:46
It pays good, but it doesn't pay that good to deal with the shit

00:45:49
that they have to deal with.

00:45:50
Yeah, yeah, it's just fucking out of control.

00:45:52
It's like the Wild West now for real.

00:45:54
But anyway, yeah, guy in a blouse with his dick out, guy in

00:45:58
a blouse with his dick out saying, woo, let me throw these

00:46:00
snakes.

00:46:00
Oh, this one's connected to me, I can't fucking throw this one.

00:46:05
But anyway, yeah, that was a fucking wild one.

00:46:06
All right, all right.

00:46:07
So let's get into this story about arguably the worst serial

00:46:12
killing pedophile ever.

00:46:13
Speaker 2: We were having fun and now we got to talk about a

00:46:15
fucking the one of the worst.

00:46:17
Speaker 1: Now we got to talk about this fucking dude, so I

00:46:19
avoided this story, the fucking plague, because I just don't

00:46:22
like doing kid stories.

00:46:23
Speaker 2: I remember bringing it up to you.

00:46:24
Speaker 1: We should do Albert Fish and you're like no, no, no,

00:46:27
fuck that guy.

00:46:28
But it's been widely requested.

00:46:31
And our good friend Debbie from True Crime University she just

00:46:35
so happened to have written this story before and she asked us

00:46:39
if we'd like to do it.

00:46:39
She had it written, thank you Debbie.

00:46:42
She didn't end up doing it.

00:46:44
So she was like hey, you guys can take this.

00:46:45
So thank you very much, debbie, for sending us this story.

00:46:49
So tuck your kids in the bed, give them a kiss on the forehead

00:46:52
and tell them to never take candy from a boomer named Albert

00:46:56
, because it's time to fuck this episode in the mouth.

00:47:02
What do you say, garrett?

00:47:02
Let's go.

00:47:02
Yeah, let's do it.

00:47:03
All right.

00:47:03
So this is a story of Hamilton Howard Fish, who was born May

00:47:08
19th 1870, in the United States capital of Washington DC.

00:47:12
His parents were Ellen, age 32, and Randall who, at the time of

00:47:16
Hamilton's birth, was 75 years old.

00:47:19
Yes, you heard that right 75.

00:47:22
75 fucking years old.

00:47:23
Yes, you heard that right 75.

00:47:24
75 fucking years old, 43 years older than his wife.

00:47:26
I hope I can still get it up at 75.

00:47:29
You know, I mean, I can't have kids.

00:47:31
I mean there's always Blue Chew.

00:47:32
Speaker 2: Viagra, you can get it up, but not back in the 1800s

00:47:35
, yeah.

00:47:35
That was all natural baby.

00:47:37
That guy was built.

00:47:38
Speaker 1: This dude was fucking ready to fucking spread his

00:47:40
seed, all right.

00:47:42
So Hamilton had three older siblings Walter, annie and Edwin

00:47:46
.

00:47:46
Another brother, albert, had died in infancy long before

00:47:49
Hamilton was even a fucking thought.

00:47:50
He was still swimming around in his daddy's 75-year-old nuts.

00:47:54
Hamilton was born in a long line of mentally ill people,

00:47:58
including his mother, uncle, brother and sister, and had all

00:48:02
been diagnosed with some sort of mental health condition.

00:48:04
The family patriarch Randall, was a riverboat captain and a

00:48:08
fertilized manufacturer who died in October of 1875 when

00:48:11
Hamilton was just five years old .

00:48:13
Speaker 2: That's such an 1875 job title a riverboat captain,

00:48:17
he's a riverboat.

00:48:17
Captain, I lost my kid on a riverboat gambling trip.

00:48:22
Speaker 1: So yeah, he died when Hamilton was just five years

00:48:25
old, leaving Ellen alone with all four children and back then

00:48:31
being a single mom kids it was rough, totally different.

00:48:33
So it says he died from senile debility, which is an old-timey

00:48:39
way of saying he died of heart disease.

00:48:41
Like well, it seems here he died of senile debility.

00:48:45
See, it seems here he died of senile diabetes, eh, Meh, meh,

00:48:49
meh, meh Meh.

00:48:50
So Ellen was unable to care for the kids and she placed them in

00:48:54
St John's Orphanage, a decision that would result in fucking

00:48:58
disaster.

00:48:59
Now both the staff and other children harassed and abused

00:49:02
Hamilton physically, sexually and emotionally, and because

00:49:06
they're all bratty kids who come up with stupid nicknames, they

00:49:10
called him Ham and Eggs, Ham and Eggs Hamilton.

00:49:13
To alleviate this, he started using his dead brother's name.

00:49:17
So from here on out, hamilton will now be known as Albert

00:49:23
Right Albert would later say I was there till I was nearly nine

00:49:27
and that's where I got started wrong.

00:49:29
We were unmercifully whipped.

00:49:31
I saw boys doing things they should not have been doing,

00:49:35
perhaps as a coping mechanism.

00:49:37
Young Albert soon started to enjoy being whipped and beaten.

00:49:40
I don't blame him.

00:49:41
It would become visibly aroused , resulting in more taunts from

00:49:45
the other children.

00:49:47
Speaker 2: He'd say oh, I hope you don't get mad at me.

00:49:53
Speaker 1: Who broke all the chalk?

00:49:54
Oh, I don't know, teacher, it wasn't me, it wasn't me.

00:49:59
Are you going to punish whoever did it?

00:50:02
Speaker 2: Oh, I hope you are merciful for those kids.

00:50:05
Oh man, eventually his mother, ellen.

00:50:09
That's not funny.

00:50:10
No, calabuse is never funny yeah it's kind of funny.

00:50:14
Speaker 1: Eventually, his mother, ellen, got a job with

00:50:16
the government and was financially able to care for her

00:50:19
children again.

00:50:19
So Albert was brought home, but , as we said earlier, the damage

00:50:21
was already done for her children again.

00:50:22
So Albert was brought home, but , as we said earlier, the damage

00:50:23
was already done.

00:50:25
When Albert was 11, he fell from a tree and hit his head,

00:50:29
after which he suffered from headaches, dizziness, stuttering

00:50:31
and abrupt personality changes.

00:50:33
He was also a frequent bedwetter until he reached

00:50:37
adolescence and, as we know, garrett that's one of the serial

00:50:40
killer triad, along with Archer and Animal Torture Literally by

00:50:44
right textbook too.

00:50:47
Speaker 2: You know what's funny too.

00:50:48
People are always like.

00:50:50
You hear the old timers saying we were kids, we were climbing

00:50:53
trees and getting hurt all the time.

00:50:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you fucking-.

00:50:58
We pissed our bed till.

00:50:58
We were fucking 14.

00:51:01
Speaker 2: You banged your head and developed a stutter, and

00:51:04
then started murdering kids like maybe it's not a bad thing that

00:51:08
we just let the kids just do whatever the fuck they wanted,

00:51:10
right my bad, go ahead, keep going, all right, when he was 12

00:51:13
, albert had his.

00:51:15
Speaker 1: Hey, listen, this story is very serious, it's

00:51:17
fucking sick, it's fucking pathetic we're trying to have

00:51:19
it's awful we're, we're, we're trying to make the best of this

00:51:22
fucking gruesome fucking story.

00:51:24
All right, so when he was 12, albert had his first sexual

00:51:27
encounter, and this was with a 17-year-old telegraph boy who

00:51:32
lived in an apartment below him.

00:51:33
Oh, so now he's diddled.

00:51:35
Yeah, jesus.

00:51:35
Speaker 2: Christ.

00:51:36
Speaker 1: So the older boy introduced him to urolinasia,

00:51:42
urolagnia, what?

00:51:44
Speaker 2: I don't even know how to say it.

00:51:45
Speaker 1: Urolagnia.

00:51:47
Speaker 2: Well, it's ready, ready, ready, ready, ready,

00:51:48
ready, ready ready.

00:51:50
Speaker 1: Urolagnia, urolagnia, okay, the older boy introduced

00:51:53
him to urolagnia, which is the drinking of urine, and

00:51:57
coprophagia, the consumption of feces.

00:52:01
Oh yeah, which Albert would engage in for the rest of his

00:52:07
life.

00:52:07
Now I'm going to add, like a little tidbit, and fucking take

00:52:09
it how you will so this was around the same time of the

00:52:11
cleveland street scandal, where, in 1889, 1890, there were

00:52:16
accusations and trials, uh, involving sexual liaisons

00:52:20
between english aristocrats and young Telegraph boys in London.

00:52:24
They ran messages out of the 19 Cleveland Street post office,

00:52:30
that's so strange.

00:52:31
Yeah, so this post office was obviously a business by day and

00:52:35
turned into a brothel of young boys that night, that's wild.

00:52:39
Now I understand the story that we're discussing today.

00:52:42
This happened in the US, but I'd say it's fair to assume that

00:52:46
the 17-year-old telegraph boy who was screwing 12-year-old

00:52:49
Albert and was experienced in pissing and shitting on people

00:52:53
what the fuck may have been involved in a similar

00:52:56
environment.

00:52:57
Speaker 2: That's just saying.

00:52:58
I wonder if it translated over.

00:53:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, those are learned behaviors.

00:53:01
You know, I don't know.

00:53:02
Food for thought, yeah for sure , all right.

00:53:04
So now, at the age of 20, albert moved to New York City

00:53:07
with his mother and briefly made a living prostituting himself

00:53:11
to other men.

00:53:11
He would later say that it was around this time that he began

00:53:15
to sexually assault children, mainly boys.

00:53:18
Speaker 2: Before we get into the sad shit, let's just say

00:53:21
this man was ahead of his time.

00:53:22
Before we get into the sad shit .

00:53:24
Let's just say this man was ahead of his time 18, what year?

00:53:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like late 1800s, late 1800s, and he's

00:53:29
openly gay.

00:53:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean.

00:53:32
Yeah, ahead of his time.

00:53:34
Yeah, he was, I don't know, I'm just saying, you know, I've got

00:53:37
to give him something.

00:53:42
Speaker 1: Well, hopefully you can give him chlamydia, I don't

00:53:45
know.

00:53:45
Speaker 2: All right, so he started.

00:53:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going yeah.

00:53:49
Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm doing.

00:53:50
I'm just saying openly gay in the 1800s is a About yeah.

00:53:53
It's a drastic thing.

00:53:54
Speaker 1: Right.

00:53:56
Speaker 2: You would be killed back then for that.

00:53:58
Speaker 1: Probably sent to an insane asylum.

00:54:00
But yeah, I don't know about killed.

00:54:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, this isn't fucking Germany where they hello

00:54:06
, you're in alabama, come on, you're prancing around eating

00:54:10
fucking shit and piss.

00:54:11
Prancing around eating shit and piss they're gonna kill you.

00:54:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're thinking the devil.

00:54:16
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, he started working.

00:54:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right.

00:54:20
All right.

00:54:22
He started work as a painter, which enabled him to move about

00:54:24
to different locations.

00:54:25
He claims that, uh, he often lured children into basements of

00:54:28
the buildings he was painting Around this time Fish.

00:54:32
He started another hobby, which was letter writing, which is

00:54:36
back in the late 1800s, letter writing was a hobby.

00:54:39
Yeah yeah, he found the addresses of adult women in

00:54:44
newspaper Lonely Hearts ads and sent them obscene letters filled

00:54:47
with details of spanking them as well as drinking their piss

00:54:51
and eating their shit.

00:54:52
So I, aged 25, albert's mother fixed him up with 19 year old

00:54:57
Anna Marie Hoffman and the two were married not too long later.

00:55:00
Now, over the years, albert and Anna had six children together

00:55:04
Albert jr, john, anna, gertrude, eugene and Henry, who were all

00:55:11
raised primarily by Anna.

00:55:12
As was off.

00:55:12
You know, he often traveled for work and, you know, for

00:55:15
painting, and did special trips to have sex with fucking boys

00:55:19
and shit you know?

00:55:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was a busy guy.

00:55:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know he had you know things he got to

00:55:23
do, and so on one occasion one of Fish's male lovers took him

00:55:28
to a museum that featured an exhibit of dissected and

00:55:32
preserved body parts.

00:55:33
So there was actually an exhibit that was going around

00:55:38
not too long ago.

00:55:39
It's called Bodies Revealed.

00:55:40
I went Do you remember that?

00:55:41
Yep, I did it.

00:55:42
Yeah, that showed actual bodies , like, broken down into various

00:55:45
levels, like some had their skin removed, others had their

00:55:48
entire muscular system removed to reveal just a nervous system.

00:55:51
So I went to the Connecticut Science Museum as a chaperone

00:55:56
for my daughter's sixth grade class oh no, years like this was

00:55:59
years ago and they had two bodies, a male and a female, and

00:56:03
they were positioned.

00:56:05
They positioned a woman in a reverse cowgirl position on top

00:56:11
of the guy body.

00:56:12
Right Now, if I remember correctly, they had the woman's

00:56:17
abdomen kind of like open so you could see the penis inside the

00:56:22
woman.

00:56:23
What the fuck.

00:56:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't remember that scene.

00:56:25
I went to that same exhibit.

00:56:27
Speaker 1: I'm actually putting it up on the fucking video.

00:56:29
Speaker 2: Oh, you're putting it up there, yeah, okay.

00:56:30
Speaker 1: So now here's the thing they're real bodies

00:56:33
donated to science.

00:56:34
Okay, so imagine being the person who had to take a dead

00:56:37
guy's dick and insert it into a dead woman's vagina and then cut

00:56:44
the woman's abdomen out to show what it looks like to have a

00:56:47
dick inside of a woman.

00:56:49
Like, imagine that being your job.

00:56:53
I don't know.

00:56:55
Speaker 2: That sounds perfect for Albert Fish.

00:56:56
I don't know.

00:57:00
Speaker 1: I just wanted to throw that in.

00:57:01
Speaker 2: It was like fucking wild that's funny that you had

00:57:02
to sit there as a chaperone for a sixth grade girl's class.

00:57:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, Look kids, Look kids.

00:57:10
Yeah, that's called reverse cowgirl.

00:57:11
I'm at it.

00:57:14
It was kind of awkward.

00:57:17
I was like, alright, so we're moving on.

00:57:19
There's the nervous system.

00:57:21
Look, there's the brain.

00:57:23
Don't look at the penis, Alright.

00:57:25
So back to Albert Fish.

00:57:26
He was fascinated by a dissected penis and became

00:57:30
obsessed with mutilating genitals throughout his life.

00:57:34
In 1903, at the age of 33, albert was arrested for the

00:57:37
first time and convicted of grand larceny, for which he

00:57:40
served 16 months in Sing Sing Prison.

00:57:42
Sing Sing, sing Sing.

00:57:43
While there he acquired the nickname Shitstick, or you can

00:57:49
probably guess.

00:57:51
Speaker 2: Oh, he probably loved prison, dude.

00:57:54
Speaker 1: And if you can't guess why he was called

00:57:55
Shitstick, it's because he liked to fuck dudes in the ass and

00:57:58
getting shit on his dick, but anyway.

00:58:00
Speaker 2: Ew, I digress, never mind, this will get banned yeah.

00:58:05
Speaker 1: If I start going off.

00:58:06
In 1910, fish met a mentally challenged man named Thomas

00:58:11
Kedden in Delaware and held him captive in an abandoned barn for

00:58:15
five weeks.

00:58:16
In what reads like a penthouse forum letter from hell, fish

00:58:19
later recalled the torture he subjected Thomas to, including

00:58:23
whipping, defecating on him and sticking needles in his ass.

00:58:27
He later recalled how did he scream?

00:58:30
It was sweet music to my very soul to hear it and know that no

00:58:35
one else could.

00:58:35
I clapped my hands and jumped with joy when I heard him

00:58:38
screaming.

00:58:40
Speaker 2: It's like straight sadism.

00:58:41
He's like sadistic as fuck.

00:58:43
He's such a fucking weirdo.

00:58:47
Speaker 1: So, before releasing Thomas Fish, severed his penis

00:58:50
in half, bandaged it, gave him $10, and kissed him goodbye,

00:58:57
fucking weirdo yeah.

00:59:00
Speaker 2: To think that there's somebody that's even like,

00:59:03
there's actual people in this world that are capable of being

00:59:07
into this, enjoying this, getting sexually aroused from

00:59:10
that shit.

00:59:12
Speaker 1: It's wild Now, at 47 years old.

00:59:14
In 1917, an incident occurred which many believe instigated

00:59:19
Albert's descent into madness.

00:59:20
I don't know, he's already there.

00:59:22
Yeah, he's pretty fucking crazy .

00:59:24
Now His wife left them for a man named John Straub, a

00:59:28
handyman who had been their boarder.

00:59:30
Although she returned a short time later, she hid John in the

00:59:35
basement.

00:59:35
It would make frequent trips down there for their little

00:59:39
trysts.

00:59:39
They had a little boom-boom room down there in the fucking

00:59:43
basement.

00:59:44
Speaker 2: It's amazing.

00:59:45
You know Always be a handyman.

00:59:49
Speaker 1: Well, that's what what?

00:59:51
Speaker 2: was our story.

00:59:51
Oh, I just wish I could reach these things.

00:59:55
Speaker 1: The Hinterkaifeck story that we did.

00:59:57
Speaker 2: It's amazing, man, if you can fix stuff.

00:59:59
Speaker 1: He was a farmhand.

01:00:00
Speaker 2: That's like a primal thing for women.

01:00:02
Dude, it's a good thing, learn some traits.

01:00:05
Speaker 1: This is like the old-timey version of a pool boy.

01:00:07
Yeah, you know like the old-timey version of a pool boy.

01:00:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yep sitting there like you can fix

01:00:10
uh the devil, uh plumbing, yeah can you?

01:00:16
Speaker 1: I'm moister than an oyster.

01:00:17
Yeah, can you drain my outhouse ?

01:00:20
Speaker 2: oh, they don't.

01:00:21
I don't think they drained them what are they doing?

01:00:24
Speaker 1: I?

01:00:24
Don't know that's, that's for later.

01:00:27
Just make a new outhouse I don't know like fill it in make

01:00:29
a new househouse.

01:00:30
Speaker 2: I don't know, like fill it in and make a new house.

01:00:31
I don't know, how do you, where do you drain I don't know.

01:00:34
Speaker 1: Kind of like when you do a gas, you like take a hose

01:00:36
in and you siphon it out.

01:00:37
Stop, stop, all right, all right.

01:00:43
So when Albert found out his wife was banging the handyman,

01:00:46
he was furious and he threw them both out.

01:00:49
So Anna left with all the furniture, but she left the kids

01:00:52
.

01:00:52
She's like fuck them kids.

01:00:56
Speaker 2: Give me the fucking couch.

01:00:57
Speaker 1: Give me the couch and that armoire.

01:00:59
You keep the kids.

01:01:00
You keep the children.

01:01:01
By all accounts, Albert was a pretty good dad.

01:01:06
By being a good dad means involving his children In the

01:01:09
1880s or whatever it was.

01:01:11
Yeah, there was, the standard wasn't that high, but okay, he's

01:01:13
like hey, kids, you know how about you uh whip me and uh

01:01:18
entertain them by inserting cotton into the you know his

01:01:21
butthole.

01:01:22
I don't let me jesus christ dude.

01:01:25
Uh, yeah, so he would have them.

01:01:26
Whip him with homemade leather whips and entertain,

01:01:30
quote-unquote, them with inserting cotton into his

01:01:34
butthole and setting it on fire.

01:01:36
Do you ever do that with the kids?

01:01:39
No, come on kids gather around.

01:01:40
Speaker 2: You know what's so funny.

01:01:41
Like this cotton on fire.

01:01:43
That's what people don't realize is you try to keep it

01:01:45
light and then you realize that there is some fucking up fucking

01:01:50
people stories.

01:01:50
Speaker 1: This is why this is this right here, is why I did

01:01:53
not want to fucking do this story.

01:01:54
Fuck, but we're doing it, we're here, we're, we're committed,

01:01:57
we're committed.

01:01:58
So let's go that's sickening yeah, so the children?

01:02:01
uh, they reported that albert became delusional, screaming I

01:02:06
am christ and saying that he received messages from God and

01:02:11
other biblical characters.

01:02:12
Years later, he said it seemed to me that I had to offer a

01:02:15
child for sacrifice and to purge myself of sins, inequities and

01:02:20
abominations in the sight of God .

01:02:22
So that's what he had to do.

01:02:25
He had to sacrifice children because he's a fucking nut job.

01:02:29
Speaker 2: I was about to say this too.

01:02:30
You know, there's a little paranoid schizophrenia there's,

01:02:34
there's, there's.

01:02:34
I'm looking at the mental aspect of it.

01:02:36
Speaker 1: Yeah.

01:02:37
Speaker 2: Undiagnosed psychological problems, yeah,

01:02:40
and paranoid schizophrenia right off the rip, at least on top of

01:02:44
a whole bunch of shit.

01:02:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it seems like you know, like you said,

01:02:47
like schizophrenia and whatnot.

01:02:48
It seems like when they go through that they're seeing like

01:02:53
biblical figures, yeah, like religious figures, like God or

01:02:56
Jesus or whatever but there's also devil demonic like dark

01:02:59
shit too with those people.

01:03:01
Speaker 2: Yeah, it always seems to go, and back then they were

01:03:03
just like ah, do some cocaine about it.

01:03:05
They would prescribe you like it's witchcraft.

01:03:09
Speaker 1: I don't know.

01:03:11
Speaker 2: They had no actual fucking yeah reasoning for it.

01:03:13
Oh, let me, uh, let me bleed you, yeah.

01:03:16
Yeah, let's put some leeches on them, bring them to the river

01:03:19
bathe them in fucking river juice.

01:03:21
Speaker 1: Oh man, all right.

01:03:22
So uh yeah.

01:03:25
On july 1st 1924, fish noticed an eight-year-old girl named

01:03:29
Beatrice playing on her farm in Staten Island.

01:03:31
He tried to entice her, but fortunately her mother was

01:03:35
nearby and shooed him away.

01:03:37
Shoo, get away, get away from my daughter.

01:03:40
Not to be deterred, Albert hid in the family's barn hoping for

01:03:43
another chance to abduct Beatrice, but was chased off by

01:03:46
her father this time.

01:03:47
Yeah, but again, he was not going to give up.

01:03:52
Maybe not so much with Beatrice , he's going to move on to

01:03:55
somebody else, right?

01:03:56
So he committed his first known murder at the age of 54.

01:04:00
He went his entire life, Wow, and at age 54, on July 14th 1924

01:04:06
, committed his first murder.

01:04:07
And that was 8-year-old Francis McDonald, who was playing in

01:04:11
the street with other children in Staten Island and his mother

01:04:14
was watching from the porch.

01:04:16
She noticed an older man, a man in gray, walking up and down

01:04:20
the street observing them.

01:04:21
Something about him gave her the creeps.

01:04:24
All of a sudden, little Francis was gone.

01:04:27
A neighbor recalled that he had seen the boy being led away

01:04:31
into the woods by an older man.

01:04:32
Word of the missing boy you didn't stop it yeah.

01:04:37
Yeah, I saw a little, you know, look at here see.

01:04:40
Speaker 2: Like why is that time period so primitive?

01:04:43
I never understood that.

01:04:46
Speaker 1: I mean even now, though, dude.

01:04:48
Speaker 2: No, there is a thousand fucking helicopter

01:04:51
parents.

01:04:51
Speaker 1: That would never happen in today's society no, I

01:04:54
get it, they wouldn't.

01:04:55
Speaker 2: They wouldn't There'd be six people that would have

01:04:57
notified that person.

01:04:58
This guy's like ah, he went in the woods, the guy was holding

01:05:02
his hand, it's fine.

01:05:03
I don't know he was with an older man it blows my mind.

01:05:06
Children were expendable back then.

01:05:10
I'm talking 1800s.

01:05:14
Speaker 1: But we also did a case not too long ago, well,

01:05:16
actually a fucking long time ago the Genovese Syndrome.

01:05:21
Speaker 2: Remember yes, yeah.

01:05:22
Speaker 1: When somebody's in trouble, people kind of look the

01:05:24
other way.

01:05:26
Speaker 2: No man, I wouldn't be able to do that.

01:05:27
I would not be able to do that.

01:05:28
I wouldn't be able to do that.

01:05:29
I would have fucking red flag.

01:05:30
What the fuck are you doing where the fuck you?

01:05:33
Speaker 1: going where you going with that kid you, fucking

01:05:35
pervert instantly, without a doubt.

01:05:38
I don't care like yeah, well, they didn't do that back then

01:05:43
and word of the missing boy spread and panic ensued.

01:05:46
Searchers found the body of Francis in the woods the

01:05:49
following morning.

01:05:50
He was under a pile of branches and he had been strangled with

01:05:55
his suspenders and atrociously assaulted according to the

01:06:00
coroner, atrociously assaulted.

01:06:02
People became paranoid and sightings of this mystery gray

01:06:06
man were reported everywhere.

01:06:08
Parents began telling their children hey, you better be good

01:06:11
or the gray man's gonna get you Fish's.

01:06:15
Next documented murder occurred on February 11th 1927.

01:06:18
A 12-year-old boy named Johnny was watching his two younger

01:06:22
neighbors, both three-year-old boys, named Billy.

01:06:24
They were playing in the hallway of their Manhattan

01:06:27
apartment building when he was drawn inside by the crying of

01:06:30
his baby sister.

01:06:31
So now Johnny goes inside, the two Billys are left outside.

01:06:35
He returned to find that both Billys had vanished and Billy

01:06:41
Beaton was found by his father safely playing on the roof and

01:06:45
when asked where the other Billy had gone, he gave the chilling

01:06:48
reply the boogeyman took him Oof because you know that's what he

01:06:51
said.

01:06:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know that's what Albert said.

01:06:54
Yeah, for sure, I'm the boogeyman.

01:06:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.

01:06:56
So, as with little Francis, neighbors searched frantically

01:07:00
for Billy Gaffney, to no avail.

01:07:02
Later, a trolley driver recalled a boy matching Billy

01:07:06
Gaffney's description being led onto the trolley crying by an

01:07:10
old man with gray hair dressed in gray.

01:07:13
It appears as though the gray man had claimed his second

01:07:16
victim.

01:07:16
After his arrest, fish told the police what happened to Billy.

01:07:21
He said that he took him to an abandoned house before he

01:07:24
whipped him and cut his throat, bringing his meat home to cook

01:07:28
in a stew with vegetables.

01:07:30
His remains were never recovered.

01:07:31
Never recovered, yeah.

01:07:35
Speaker 2: Was that his first dance with cannibalism?

01:07:40
Speaker 1: I believe that was yeah.

01:07:41
On May 25th 1928, edward Budd placed an ad in the New York

01:07:45
World reading Young man, 18, wishes position in country

01:07:51
Edward Budd, 406 West 15th Street.

01:07:53
Edward, who lived in a cramped ground floor apartment with his

01:07:57
parents and four siblings, was looking to earn money doing

01:07:59
something more pleasant than just driving trucks.

01:08:01
Little did he know that his advertisement would set in

01:08:05
motion events that would bring to light one of the most

01:08:07
deranged and insidious serial killers the world has ever known

01:08:10
.

01:08:10
A few days later, a well-dressed gentleman who had

01:08:13
dressed himself as Frank Howard appeared at the Budd's door.

01:08:17
In response to the ad, mrs Delia Budd invited him inside,

01:08:22
and Edward and his friend Willie appeared.

01:08:24
Edward asked if Willie could work with him as well on Mr

01:08:27
Howard's farm, to which the old man agreed.

01:08:29
He then said that he had to leave as he had a business

01:08:33
appointment and would return on a Saturday with a car.

01:08:37
Since Mr Howard was obviously Albert Fish had only been

01:08:41
expecting one young man, he had to make extra preparations for

01:08:44
an extra one.

01:08:44
He later told police that he planned to tie up Edward, cut

01:08:49
off his penis and leave him to bleed to death.

01:08:51
So on that Saturday he sent the Buds a handwritten telegram

01:08:56
reading bent over in New Jersey call.

01:08:59
In the morning On Sunday, june 3rd, mr Howard quote unquote

01:09:04
returned to the Bud apartment with pot cheese, strawberries

01:09:07
and his weapons, which he referred to as his implements of

01:09:11
hell, wrapped in a package.

01:09:12
As the family was having lunch with their guests, he asked if

01:09:16
they had received his telegram.

01:09:18
Seeing it on the mantle, he serendipitously placed it in his

01:09:22
pocket, which was also observed by Mr Butt, who thought it was

01:09:26
odd, but he didn't really say anything.

01:09:27
Like you sent us a telegram and now you're taking it back.

01:09:30
It's kind of weird.

01:09:31
Whatever, and I'm sure, a telegram was a big deal back

01:09:34
then.

01:09:35
That was like a Christmas card.

01:09:36
Hey, may I get the telegram?

01:09:38
Speaker 2: That was a Christmas card back then.

01:09:39
Telegram here that's when your mom tapes up the Christmas cards

01:09:42
on the mirror or whatever Over the threshold.

01:09:51
Speaker 1: While they were waiting for Edward and Willie,

01:09:52
10-year-old Grace Budd entered the apartment A beautiful little

01:09:54
girl, in her Sunday church dress.

01:09:56
She had brown hair, big, dark eyes and pale skin.

01:09:59
What do you think is going to happen, garrett?

01:10:01
I don't know man.

01:10:02
Mr Howard immediately turned his attention to her.

01:10:06
Come here, child, he said, gathering her onto his lap.

01:10:09
Let's see how good at counting you are.

01:10:12
Speaker 2: That's so fucking eerie, Ugh I hate it.

01:10:16
Speaker 1: To the family's astonishment, mr Howard whipped

01:10:19
out a wad of cash totaling $92.50, which back then was

01:10:25
about $1.

01:10:27
Pulled out a band.

01:10:28
Yeah, just pulled out a band.

01:10:30
After Grace had successfully counted it, he praised her and

01:10:34
gave her 50 cents to buy some candy.

01:10:36
Here's some candy, little girl.

01:10:39
As she had run off, mr Howard, aka Albert, said I just

01:10:45
remembered my sister is having a birthday party for my niece.

01:10:48
Do you think Grace would like to go?

01:10:50
I'll bring her back by nine and pick up Eddie and Willie.

01:10:54
He added that his sister had lived at 137th in Columbus.

01:10:59
Speaker 2: I'm telling you you don't let a fucking stranger.

01:11:02
It just goes to what I'm telling you.

01:11:03
You don't let a fucking stranger.

01:11:04
It just goes to what I'm saying about this fucking era and time

01:11:07
.

01:11:07
Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

01:11:08
So, mr and Mrs Budd, somewhat reluctantly, they agreed and

01:11:14
Grace was excited as she put on her fancy coat with fur trim.

01:11:17
That's so sad.

01:11:19
She was excited to go to this birthday party.

01:11:21
So her mother watched as she walked out the door down the

01:11:24
sidewalk with the old man not knowing that it would be the

01:11:28
last time she would ever see her daughter.

01:11:30
When Grace failed to return by the night, the Buds notified the

01:11:34
police the following morning.

01:11:35
The following morning I'd be like she's been gone for three

01:11:40
hours, yeah Fuck.

01:11:41
The police were immediately suspicious when they heard the

01:11:45
address that Mr Howard had given them.

01:11:47
They were like Columbus that ends at 110th, 110th Street, not

01:11:53
137th Street, you know, or whatever it was.

01:11:55
So they also quickly learned that there was no such person

01:12:00
named Frank Howard that matched the description.

01:12:03
So Mr Budd recalled that the stranger had taken the

01:12:07
handwritten telegram with him, which would provide police with

01:12:10
their first clue.

01:12:11
They managed to track down the telegram office at which he had

01:12:15
sent it in Harlem and found the original handwritten copy with

01:12:18
his writing.

01:12:19
Speaker 2: I'm actually surprised.

01:12:20
I didn't know how telegrams work.

01:12:21
I didn't know that they kept copies.

01:12:24
I didn't like I didn't know there would be a paper trail for

01:12:26
that.

01:12:26
I thought it would just be sent and then that was it.

01:12:30
Fill it out and send it, yeah.

01:12:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's interesting.

01:12:33
Now, in the meantime, hysteria broke out in the city again,

01:12:45
with numerous gray man sightings .

01:12:45
Three men were falsely identified as Grace's kidnapper,

01:12:46
and one was actually set to go to trial when Mrs Budd retracted

01:12:47
her identification at the last minute.

01:12:47
That's not him, okay.

01:12:49
All had grown quiet, and Albert married again briefly in 1930.

01:12:55
This time his bride was Estella Wilcox, a divorcee with

01:12:59
children.

01:13:00
This marriage only lasted a few weeks, though, because Albert,

01:13:03
he scared his children with his hands.

01:13:05
Yeah, can you burn my?

01:13:06
butthole yeah they don't like stuffing cotton in people's

01:13:09
assholes.

01:13:09
Speaker 2: What the Dude?

01:13:10
What is it?

01:13:11
What a lunatic.

01:13:13
Speaker 1: So Albert Fish was arrested again in 1934, but not

01:13:16
for murder.

01:13:17
It seems that he started his habit of writing obscene letters

01:13:20
to women again.

01:13:21
His ploy was to select a target , write a slightly suggestive

01:13:28
letter you know, just a little hint of sexuality there, yep and

01:13:30
if she responded then he would send increasingly more sexual

01:13:34
and disgusting missives.

01:13:35
The typical theme of these letters was that he had a young

01:13:40
son who was well-built but mentally handicapped and in need

01:13:43
of discipline.

01:13:44
What, yeah?

01:13:45
He spent the rest of the letter explaining to the recipient in

01:13:48
graphic detail what care the boy needed, focusing on spanking

01:13:54
him and attending to his bathroom.

01:13:55
Needs Like shitting on him or something I don't know.

01:13:59
Unfortunately for Albert, one of these recipients turned the

01:14:02
letters into the police, who then appeared at his rooming

01:14:05
house with a warrant.

01:14:06
Upon searching his room, they found more letters, a homemade

01:14:09
whip and a fetid hot dog and carrot which he had been

01:14:14
pleasuring himself with.

01:14:16
Speaker 2: And for those who so wait, wait, wait question.

01:14:17
Fetid means what I had to google this Because I don't know

01:14:23
what fetid means.

01:14:24
Speaker 1: Fetid means that it Fucking stunk to holy fucking

01:14:27
hell.

01:14:27
So it was shit.

01:14:28
It was like fucking stank ass, fucking Disgusting shit.

01:14:34
Yeah, fetid, you know what's wild too.

01:14:41
Speaker 2: I guarantee you, outside of people that listen to

01:14:44
these podcasts and deep dive into the true crime world, not a

01:14:49
lot of people know who Albert Fish is.

01:14:50
And I, like we're taking this lightly because we have to,

01:14:54
because we can't take it serious .

01:14:55
Speaker 1: I fucking hate doing episodes about children.

01:14:58
Speaker 2: Fucking hate it so that's why we're drinking

01:14:59
heavily on this episode.

01:15:01
If anybody can't tell, we're drinking heavily on this episode

01:15:04
and we're just trying to like yeah, we're trying to breeze

01:15:06
through it, basically right yeah , but the fact that this guy is

01:15:10
not a bigger name in like, yeah, in that that true crime world

01:15:16
blows my mind.

01:15:17
Yeah, because I guarantee you, if I asked my, my mom, my mom,

01:15:20
do you know who albert is?

01:15:21
She would have no clue.

01:15:22
You know what I mean Someone who's not in that world?

01:15:26
Yeah, but she would know who you know, Ted.

01:15:28
Bundy Dahmer she would know who those guys are, but like this

01:15:32
has got to be one of the most twisted and sadistic and just

01:15:36
ruthless killers of all time, yeah, of all time.

01:15:39
It's interesting how society kind of, just when something's

01:15:45
so crazy at the time, they just pretend like it never happened,

01:15:48
correct.

01:15:49
You know what I'm trying to say I feel like this is one of them

01:15:52
Back in the early 20s.

01:15:54
We're just going to pretend like this never happened.

01:15:57
It doesn't exist.

01:15:58
It's interesting to me.

01:16:01
It's a weird dynamic.

01:16:02
Speaker 1: As bad as this episode is, it's going to get

01:16:08
worse.

01:16:08
Yeah, yeah, and we're just going to push through it.

01:16:12
All right.

01:16:13
So Albert Fish.

01:16:15
He was committed to Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital for 30 days

01:16:19
because they found the fucking hot dog that stunk the fucking

01:16:23
holy hell.

01:16:24
It was there that he was determined to have manifested

01:16:28
sexual perversion from an early life.

01:16:30
He was released 30 days later to the custody of his daughter,

01:16:34
Anna.

01:16:35
Well, there you go.

01:16:36
In 1830, in 1934, Albert Jr witnessed his father awaken from

01:16:43
nightmares, sweating and gasping.

01:16:45
Sometimes he heard the name Grace mumbled.

01:16:49
Ooh, shivers, yeah.

01:16:50
To calm himself down, Albert would shove needles into his

01:16:55
skin.

01:16:55
Speaker 2: Oh dude sadism to the T.

01:16:59
Speaker 1: Detective William King of the NYPD was still

01:17:02
obsessively searching for grace bud, and from time to time he

01:17:05
planted stories in the newspaper about her thinking that her

01:17:08
kidnapper was following the news and hoping to elicit some

01:17:12
action on his part.

01:17:13
And guess what?

01:17:14
It fucking worked?

01:17:16
Yeah, all right.

01:17:17
In 1934, mrs bud received a letter from the kidnapper and

01:17:22
since she couldn't read, edward read it first.

01:17:24
Then he ran to give it to Detective King.

01:17:27
In the letter, which has become infamous, the kidnapper stated

01:17:32
that a friend of his visited China where eating children had

01:17:36
become popular.

01:17:37
After discussing this in some detail, the writer said that he

01:17:41
had decided to try eating children himself, and he

01:17:44
recalled the day he had visited the Buds and wrote this is to

01:17:48
the mother.

01:17:50
Grace sat in my lap and kissed me.

01:17:52
I made up my mind in that moment to eat her.

01:17:55
I took her to an empty house in Westchester.

01:17:59
I had already picked out.

01:18:01
When we got there, I told her to remain outside in Westchester

01:18:04
.

01:18:04
I had already picked out.

01:18:05
When we got there, I told her to remain outside.

01:18:08
She picked wildflowers.

01:18:09
I went upstairs and stripped all my clothes off.

01:18:10
I knew if I did not I would get her blood on them.

01:18:11
When all was ready, I went to the window and called her.

01:18:15
Then I hid in the closet until she was in the room.

01:18:18
When she saw me all naked she began to cry and tried to run

01:18:22
down the stairs.

01:18:23
I grabbed her and she said she would tell her mama.

01:18:25
First I stripped her naked how she did kick and bite and

01:18:31
scratch.

01:18:31
I choked her to death, then cut her in small pieces so I could

01:18:35
take the meat to the rooms and cook and eat it.

01:18:37
How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven and

01:18:40
eat it.

01:18:40
How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven.

01:18:42
It took me nine days to eat her entire body.

01:18:45
I did not fuck her, though I could have if I wished.

01:18:50
She died a virgin.

01:18:52
This is to the mother of this child.

01:18:56
Speaker 2: Oof.

01:18:59
Speaker 1: Imagine reading that fucking letter.

01:19:07
Speaker 2: And you allowed your daughter to leave with this man.

01:19:08
My mind went somewhere else.

01:19:09
What I went real dark like I want to fucking murder everybody

01:19:11
, dude.

01:19:11
My mind went somewhere real dark right there and that, yeah,

01:19:14
and like it's, it's the tone, it's the way he's like

01:19:17
describing matter of factly yeah , yeah it's, it's that.

01:19:21
That's what really annoys me about that, that whole letter.

01:19:23
Speaker 1: How sweet like he thinks.

01:19:25
Like he thinks he's the man when he's taking when he's

01:19:28
saying it.

01:19:29
Speaker 2: That's the shit that like.

01:19:30
I wish I found out where you were, yeah so, detective king.

01:19:34
Speaker 1: He noticed an emblem on the back of the envelope with

01:19:37
the initials nyp cba.

01:19:39
He figured out that it stood for New York Private Chauffeurs

01:19:44
Benevolent Association and paid their office a visit there.

01:19:48
He found that one member had taken some of the stationery to

01:19:51
his former rooming house at 200 East 52nd Street.

01:19:54
King went immediately to this address where the landlady, mrs

01:19:58
Schneider, identified a drawing of Frank Howard as a sometime

01:20:03
tenant of hers named Albert Fish .

01:20:05
She promised to call Detective King the next time he appeared.

01:20:10
On December 13th 1934, mrs Schneider called Detective King

01:20:14
to inform him that Albert Fish had just arrived at her boarding

01:20:17
house.

01:20:17
King rushed to the residence where he found his query sitting

01:20:22
at a table drinking tea.

01:20:23
Albert fish, he asked.

01:20:25
Fish nodded and stood.

01:20:27
However, as soon as king approached him, fish whipped out

01:20:32
a razor blade from his pocket.

01:20:33
The old man was no match for king, because he's like fucking

01:20:38
90 by now.

01:20:39
Uh who swiftly disarmed him and handcuffed him.

01:20:42
I got you now, he said triumphantly At police

01:20:46
headquarters.

01:20:46
Fish quickly started talking.

01:20:48
All right, he said, I'll tell you all about it.

01:20:50
I'm the man you want.

01:20:52
I took Grace Budd from her home on the third day of June.

01:20:55
I brought her to Westchester and killed her that same

01:20:58
afternoon.

01:20:59
When asked why he simply shrugged Fish, explained that

01:21:02
after taking.

01:21:02
When asked why he simply shrugged Fish, explained that

01:21:04
after taking Grace from the apartment, they boarded the

01:21:06
train with a one-way ticket for Grace to Westchester, 23 miles

01:21:10
away from the city.

01:21:11
Speaker 2: Oh, that's such an eerie fact, dude.

01:21:13
The way you just included that really just got me.

01:21:17
The one-way ticket Got me.

01:21:20
Speaker 1: So he undressed himself and unwrapped his

01:21:22
implements of hell A meat cleaver, a butcher knife and a

01:21:25
small hacksaw.

01:21:26
When Grace entered, holding a bouquet of wildflowers she had

01:21:30
picked, he jumped out naked and the little girl screamed,

01:21:33
dropped the flowers and began to run.

01:21:35
Fish grabbed her by the throat and then he knelt on her chest

01:21:38
while he strangled her.

01:21:39
He decapitated her with his knife, letting her blood drain

01:21:44
out into an empty paint can.

01:21:45
When the can was full, he tried to drink the blood but choked

01:21:48
on it.

01:21:49
Albert had finally found a behavior that was too disgusting

01:21:53
even for him.

01:21:54
He then dismembered Grace and filleted her flesh in order to

01:22:00
cook and eat her.

01:22:00
When asked again why he had killed Grace, fish said you know

01:22:05
, I could not account for it.

01:22:09
By this time, word of the capture of the Gray man had

01:22:11
spread and everybody wanted to know more about this mysterious

01:22:14
figure.

01:22:14
The press had a field day dubbing him such colorful names

01:22:18
as the Werewolf of Wisteria, the Vampire of Brooklyn and the

01:22:22
Moon Maniac.

01:22:22
Over the next few days, the scene of Wisteria Cottage was

01:22:26
circus-like, with police, medical examiners, press and

01:22:29
onlookers.

01:22:30
Grace's skeletalized remains were dug up and placed in a box.

01:22:34
While in jail, fish complained of pain when he sat and

01:22:39
conjectured that it must be related to the needles he had

01:22:41
stuck in his body.

01:22:42
An x-ray was taken and, sure enough, 29 needles were found

01:22:47
deep inside his pelvic region.

01:22:49
He has literally become a human pincushion.

01:22:54
When Fish went to trial, his defense was, not surprisingly,

01:22:57
not guilty by reason of insanity .

01:22:59
There were two whole days of psychiatric testimony during

01:23:04
which one of the psychiatrists said there is no known

01:23:06
perversion, that he did not practice and practiced

01:23:08
frequently.

01:23:09
The defense introduced the idea that he was suffering from lead

01:23:13
colic, a form of dementia caused by inhaling lead paint

01:23:16
from his years working as a painter.

01:23:18
Could, could not be.

01:23:21
I mean, you know what I mean Lead paint has been known to

01:23:25
fuck somebody up, Fuck somebody

01:23:27
Speaker 2: like psychotically up .

01:23:28
There is proof of that.

01:23:30
Speaker 1: Yep.

01:23:30
So after deliberating for only six hours, the jury came back

01:23:34
and said go fuck yourself and your fetid hot dog and fucking

01:23:37
Albert Fish.

01:23:38
Speaker 2: Don't get me wrong.

01:23:39
He deserves everything that my lawyer got, and actually he

01:23:41
deserves more, but you know, mm-hmm, yep, you're fucking

01:23:45
guilty.

01:23:46
Speaker 1: So take your hot dog and shove it up your fucking ass

01:23:48
where you like it.

01:23:48
They later said that while they all believed him to be insane,

01:23:53
they thought he should go to electric chair anyway.

01:23:55
So fuck him, yep.

01:23:57
So Fish was executed in the electric chair at Sing Sing

01:24:01
Prison on the night of January 16th 1936.

01:24:04
His last meal was roast chicken that was fed to him by a prison

01:24:08
guard to avoid a suicide attempt, because a few months

01:24:12
earlier Fish had attempted to slit his wrist with the bone of

01:24:15
a T-bone steak, so they had to feed him.

01:24:18
He wasn't allowed to feed himself.

01:24:20
Speaker 2: Oh, he was really not trying to go out by them.

01:24:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep.

01:24:23
So on the way to the electric chair, fish told the guards with

01:24:26
great anticipation It'll be the supreme thrill one that I

01:24:31
haven't tried, being electrocuted.

01:24:33
After he was strapped in the chair, he was given a chance to

01:24:37
say his last words, to which he stated I don't even know why I'm

01:24:40
here, fucking nut job.

01:24:41
Prior to his death, he gave a written statement to his

01:24:44
attorney who said I will never show it to anyone.

01:24:47
It was filled with the most filthy string of obscenities I

01:24:51
have ever read.

01:24:52
Speaker 2: That goes back to him writing those you know

01:24:56
obscenity like filled letters and all that stuff.

01:24:59
Speaker 1: Like I Filled letters and all that stuff.

01:25:00
Speaker 2: I guarantee you that was probably one of the grossest

01:25:02
things humanity has ever published.

01:25:06
Writing.

01:25:07
Speaker 1: The depth of his dark , fucking sadistic mind.

01:25:09
He probably just went all out.

01:25:12
Speaker 2: And I applaud the attorney for doing that.

01:25:17
Speaker 1: So you applauded his defense attorney.

01:25:18
Yes, wow.

01:25:19
Speaker 2: Yes, Good job, Gary.

01:25:21
I applaud his defense attorney for saying I Wow.

01:25:22
Good job, Gary.

01:25:23
I applaud his defense attorney for saying I will never show

01:25:26
this to anyone.

01:25:26
It's just that bad and it probably was mocking the

01:25:31
families and all.

01:25:35
Speaker 1: In trying to explain himself, fish said I always had

01:25:38
a desire to inflict pain on others and to have others

01:25:41
inflict pain on me.

01:25:42
The desire to inflict pain others and to have others

01:25:46
inflict pain on me, the desire to inflict pain, that is all

01:25:49
that is uppermost.

01:25:49
So that's that for Albert Fish.

01:25:51
So thank you again to Debbie from True Crime University for

01:25:54
writing the story Before we jump into Dear Douchebags.

01:25:57
What do you think of the story, garrett?

01:25:58
Speaker 2: Oh, dude, I just I'm glad we got through it.

01:26:03
I even said you said it and I said it and I was like Albert

01:26:06
Fish is a good one to do, but it's.

01:26:09
It's one of those ones.

01:26:09
Obviously, everybody who's listened to the podcast for a

01:26:12
while understands that we don't do well with with kid ones With

01:26:15
kid ones.

01:26:16
Speaker 1: So I think we did.

01:26:18
Yeah, we got some liquor, got us through it Libations.

01:26:23
Yeah, we got to remember that for next time.

01:26:24
Next time we do a kid one, we got to have a lot of libations

01:26:27
to get through it, because that was, yeah, especially the Grace

01:26:31
Budd part of it.

01:26:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, the wildflowers gets me every time.

01:26:35
Yeah, the fucking.

01:26:36
I hate it Like to be this innocent little girl, especially

01:26:39
anybody who has like little.

01:26:40
Anyone who's had a daughter in their life, too, understands

01:26:44
that.

01:26:44
Speaker 1: Like she probably just walked in like oh look at

01:26:46
the flowers I picked, yeah, and here comes this dude.

01:26:48
Oh, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

01:26:49
Speaker 2: I'm a fucking weirdo.

01:26:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just one of those things.

01:26:52
Yep, alright, so head on over to Spotify and GoodPause and

01:26:56
tell us what you thought of the fucking episode and the worst

01:27:00
person in the world, the worst person in the world.

01:27:05
So now it's time for another installment of Dear Douchebags,

01:27:06
where you send in what is troubling you and we give you

01:27:08
our best advice on how to handle it, which is probably the worst

01:27:11
advice you'll probably ever receive.

01:27:13
Alright, we have two requests.

01:27:15
Which is shocking that two people want to hear our advice,

01:27:18
but here we go.

01:27:19
So first up is Annoyed in Marriage.

01:27:22
Speaker 2: Whoa advice, but here we go.

01:27:22
So first up is annoyed in marriage, whoa yeah.

01:27:23
No, I can't do this yeah no, yeah.

01:27:25
Speaker 1: So oh, here we go.

01:27:26
We got like a single guy and a married guy, yeah, yeah.

01:27:28
So annoyed writes hello douchebags, hello annoyed.

01:27:32
I am one of your older fans.

01:27:34
My husband is now 70 years old and he's and he's even more

01:27:39
boring and annoying than he was 42 years ago when I met him.

01:27:42
Is it okay to throw a pillow over his mouth and nose when he

01:27:47
sleeps while I'm trying to talk to him?

01:27:49
Then I could just use his body as an armrest.

01:27:53
Speaker 2: Oh my.

01:27:53
Speaker 1: Who the fuck sent this in?

01:27:54
Any suggestions are welcome.

01:27:58
Speaker 2: Wait, go back up.

01:27:59
Speaker 1: Who was the?

01:27:59
Speaker 2: what was her name?

01:27:59
Or his name, his name?

01:28:00
Just annoyed, yeah, annoyed, back up who was the?

01:28:01
What was her name?

01:28:01
Speaker 1: Or his name.

01:28:02
His name Just annoyed.

01:28:03
Yeah, annoyed in marriage, Okay annoyed in marriage.

01:28:06
Yeah, so basically like when she's trying to talk to him

01:28:09
about things, he just falls asleep while in the middle of

01:28:12
her talking to him he's just like.

01:28:14
Speaker 2: He's even more boring and annoying than he was 42

01:28:17
years ago Wow, I wonder if annoyed in marriage is actually

01:28:20
Jill Biden.

01:28:21
All right, all right Go ahead At 70 years old.

01:28:31
Yeah, I need to know how long they were actually married for.

01:28:34
Speaker 1: Well, they met for 42 years ago.

01:28:35
42 years ago yeah, 42 years that is more boring and annoying

01:28:39
now.

01:28:39
Years that is more boring and annoying now.

01:28:43
Speaker 2: But but is that just?

01:28:46
Is that just age catching up to you?

01:28:49
That's a long time to be married to somebody.

01:28:51
That is an incredibly long time and you have to give yourself

01:28:55
credit for that.

01:28:55
Yeah 42 years together is some serious dedication time

01:29:01
management.

01:29:02
Speaker 1: Yep, I've been through two marriages, and

01:29:06
neither of them lasted more than seven years.

01:29:08
Speaker 2: Exactly 42 years.

01:29:09
Give yourself credit for that, and even if he's boring, you

01:29:13
still lasted 42 years together.

01:29:15
Speaker 1: You know what Annoyed .

01:29:16
I think that you are a saint for going that long, correct.

01:29:20
But the question is, should she throw a pillow over his face?

01:29:25
No, what?

01:29:27
Speaker 2: No, you don't kill your husband of 42 years.

01:29:30
Speaker 1: No, you don't kill him.

01:29:31
It takes a long time to kill somebody that way.

01:29:34
Just knock him out.

01:29:35
No, no, have him wake up a couple hours later like what the

01:29:39
fuck happened.

01:29:40
It's like the thrill of like I could.

01:29:44
Speaker 2: I could do it, but I didn't do it.

01:29:45
I think you really got to step back.

01:29:47
I'm giving honest advice here.

01:29:49
Speaker 1: You're joking.

01:29:49
You're joking over here.

01:29:50
No, I'm serious.

01:29:52
Speaker 2: I think you need to accept the good things let go of

01:29:57
the bad things and just realize , hey, we made it 42 years, it

01:30:01
obviously wasn't that bad.

01:30:03
You might be joking a little bit sending into the podcast,

01:30:07
but if you lasted 42 years it wasn't horrible.

01:30:10
There's something holding you guys together.

01:30:15
Speaker 1: Spice it up too.

01:30:16
I can see that.

01:30:16
Speaker 2: Spice it up.

01:30:17
Tell them to fucking.

01:30:18
How are you going to spice it up with a 70-year-old?

01:30:19
Oh, a 70-year-old can throw on a G-string.

01:30:21
Fucking.

01:30:21
How are you gonna spice it up with a 70 year old?

01:30:23
Oh, a 70 year old can throw on a g-string.

01:30:23
Wait at the top of the stairs for the bouquet of flowers, like

01:30:24
I mean albert fish's father was 75 when he was exactly.

01:30:31
You can still have kids, according to albert fish.

01:30:33
So yeah, uh, the way I look at it, it's 42 years it's 42 years

01:30:38
that you wasted, oh no here you are, 42 years later, you're

01:30:42
bored you're.

01:30:42
Speaker 1: Oh no, dave, here you are, 42 years later.

01:30:44
You're bored, you're fucking annoyed.

01:30:45
You're like what did I do with my fucking life?

01:30:47
You know, I don't know.

01:30:50
That's the way I would look at it.

01:30:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I think that's a scorn versus a

01:30:57
better outlook, it's the scorn versus the look into some sort

01:31:05
of light.

01:31:07
Speaker 1: I don't know.

01:31:07
Try the pillow, see if the pillow works.

01:31:12
What's the saying?

01:31:15
If at first you don't succeed, it's only attempted murder.

01:31:17
Speaker 2: It's only attempted murder.

01:31:18
You can go find the criminal AF merch.

01:31:19
That's it.

01:31:19
Find that t-shirt and the hoodie in the merch shop.

01:31:21
It's only attempted murder.

01:31:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can go find the criminal AF merch.

01:31:23
That's it.

01:31:24
Find that t-shirt and the hoodie on the merch shop.

01:31:26
Speaker 2: If anybody doesn't tell you, I'm proud of you for

01:31:28
sticking it out 42 years, that's a big accomplishment.

01:31:31
Speaker 1: Look at it like that Yep, even if you settled.

01:31:34
Yeah, even though you wasted 42 years of your life.

01:31:37
I don't know if you're able to keep that one in.

01:31:44
Speaker 2: Maybe not 42 years.

01:31:44
Maybe half of that you wasted.

01:31:45
Everybody gets like that, though.

01:31:46
You become roommates when you're 60, 70 years old.

01:31:51
Speaker 1: You're just hanging out.

01:31:52
I don't know.

01:31:53
Some people still got a little spice.

01:31:55
They want a little spice in their life.

01:32:00
Speaker 2: It's on both people to keep that going.

01:32:01
Speaker 1: I get that but he falls asleep.

01:32:01
He's falling asleep.

01:32:03
Speaker 2: He's an old man, I fall asleep too.

01:32:05
Speaker 1: She's probably like hey, honey, can we get a little

01:32:08
action?

01:32:08
He's, like you know, just fucking falls asleep.

01:32:12
So I don't know, try the pillow , see what happens.

01:32:14
So there you go, there you go, Annoyed in marriage, how's that

01:32:20
Annoyed in marriage, all right.

01:32:22
Yeah, all right.

01:32:25
Speaker 2: Next up, we have Naughty in Neverland Naughty in

01:32:28
Neverland is probably the best Patreon name, whatever we've

01:32:33
heard Naughty in Neverland.

01:32:34
Speaker 1: Yep, all right.

01:32:37
Speaker 2: I need some bad advice, especially for the

01:32:38
Albert Fish fucking episode.

01:32:39
Come on.

01:32:43
Speaker 1: I need some bad advice there, douchebags.

01:32:46
I've been talking with a friend quote unquote late at night.

01:32:48
Oh no, we've only met once in real life and that meeting, you

01:32:54
know it, was harmless.

01:32:54
But lately we've become a little bit more flirtatious and

01:33:00
there may or may not have been some topless pics that were sent

01:33:04
.

01:33:04
Okay, side note, I also may be married, dying to know what you

01:33:12
guys think.

01:33:13
Speaker 2: What are we just marriage counselors here?

01:33:16
Speaker 1: I guess we're working on marriages here, I guess, so

01:33:18
I don't know.

01:33:19
Speaker 2: All right.

01:33:19
So you sent nudie pictures?

01:33:21
Speaker 1: Well, not well, is this what she's saying?

01:33:23
Yeah, I sent topless pics.

01:33:25
Speaker 2: I sent topless pics and was flirting with somebody

01:33:29
that I met once.

01:33:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I would imagine they've been talking I

01:33:35
don't know.

01:33:35
Yeah, obviously, they met up in person once, it was harmless,

01:33:41
and then they've been more flirtation on the phone just

01:33:43
like a normal relationship starts um, like they met I don't

01:33:46
know, there's so much they met and maybe one of them hit the

01:33:48
other one up on facebook or something.

01:33:50
Speaker 2: Yeah I don't know.

01:33:51
I think it's.

01:33:51
I think there's a lot of unanswered questions here that

01:33:55
we have to.

01:33:55
We have to know the information before is is there her marriage

01:33:58
going well?

01:33:59
Is she happily married?

01:34:01
Is she just looking for some excitement, A little spice?

01:34:03
Yeah, Like what are we talking here?

01:34:06
Speaker 1: How far is it going to go?

01:34:07
Yeah, you know what I mean.

01:34:08
Like, are you joking?

01:34:09
Speaker 2: Are you just sending topless pictures to like feel

01:34:11
alive again?

01:34:12
Speaker 1: Right.

01:34:13
Speaker 2: There's so much unknown in this question.

01:34:14
There is yeah, it's still wrong , still wrong, still wrong,

01:34:24
wrong, still wrong, still wrong, still wrong.

01:34:25
Speaker 1: Okay, you're still married, you're still sending

01:34:27
topless pictures, you're still flirting yeah, better than a

01:34:29
hoot shot, but yeah don't, yeah, don't, don't send the, but I I

01:34:32
would need to know more to actually really answer this

01:34:35
question yeah, well, hypothetically speaking, healthy

01:34:38
marriage healthy marriage.

01:34:40
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, healthy marriage you guys are good

01:34:42
you're loving, you're still having sex.

01:34:43
Speaker 1: You got yeah okay and things are great and you're

01:34:48
doing this.

01:34:48
I don't know.

01:34:49
I would probably be pissed if I was the husband.

01:34:52
I would be too.

01:34:53
I'd be if I found out about it.

01:34:54
Speaker 2: I'd be fucking livid I, oh I would be livid

01:34:57
regardless, even if we weren't doing well.

01:34:59
Um, all right, so okay, now let's go to that you're not

01:35:01
doing well.

01:35:01
Speaker 1: You weren't doing well, all right, so okay, now

01:35:02
let's go to that.

01:35:03
You're not doing well, you're not doing well, yeah.

01:35:07
Speaker 2: I don't know.

01:35:08
Speaker 1: What if it's?

01:35:08
I'm just throwing out fucking hypotheticals here.

01:35:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:11
Speaker 1: What if it's like you said you just become friends.

01:35:16
By that time you know Like you're married, but it's just

01:35:23
like we're just friends basically and you're not getting

01:35:25
that fucking spice.

01:35:25
You need a little spice somewhere else.

01:35:28
Do you just go ahead and just fucking, or do you?

01:35:31
You handle your fucking marriage first?

01:35:36
Speaker 2: I think a lot of the problems that comes down to that

01:35:37
is communication because, I always think there's one partner

01:35:40
in the dust left out to the wind.

01:35:44
Speaker 1: On the outside looking in.

01:35:45
On the outside looking in.

01:35:46
Speaker 2: He thinks that everything's fine or she thinks

01:35:48
that everything's fine and the other one says, nope, I've been

01:35:51
unhappy for years.

01:35:51
You never which has happened to me?

01:35:54
The communication was never there.

01:35:58
Speaker 1: Right.

01:35:59
Speaker 2: You guys weren't communicated in the beginning?

01:36:01
Yeah, and that's the sign of the downward spiral of the

01:36:03
marriage, not just the fact that she's flirting with other other

01:36:06
dudes, sending pictures, whatever the fuck this one was.

01:36:08
So I think that even though you say, oh, it's happily if, if

01:36:12
somebody's doing that, it's not, there's something, there's some

01:36:15
sort of problem there, yeah.

01:36:17
So what I would say in this question is figure out what that

01:36:20
problem is.

01:36:22
Speaker 1: Talk Communicate.

01:36:25
Speaker 2: Figure it out, say what's wrong, say what's on your

01:36:27
mind, and even if you have to tell them what you've been doing

01:36:30
, you do it.

01:36:32
Speaker 1: Kind of like hey, this is what's happening in our

01:36:34
marriage.

01:36:35
Yes, Obviously this is an issue .

01:36:39
We need to correct it.

01:36:40
I've actually fucking been sending fucking tits to another

01:36:45
fucking person, Sure.

01:36:48
Speaker 2: As long as even if it's super shocking, as long as

01:36:50
it gets the conversation going, the only way you're going to

01:36:53
solve something is if you talk about it.

01:36:55
That's the biggest problem with marriages in today's world.

01:36:59
Speaker 1: No communication.

01:37:00
Speaker 2: You just break down.

01:37:00
You're not the same people that you were when you got married

01:37:01
at the no communication.

01:37:02
You just break down.

01:37:02
You're not the same people that you were when you got married

01:37:04
at the beginning.

01:37:04
Right, you become standoffish, you do your own thing and you

01:37:07
don't just talk, yeah, and don't be sending fucking tits, and

01:37:12
don't yeah.

01:37:13
Talk first, then send tits.

01:37:15
Talk it out If it doesn't work, and then it doesn.

01:37:17
Speaker 1: Send as many tits as you want.

01:37:18
Send your tits, yeah, but talk about it first Figure it out.

01:37:21
Speaker 2: Figure out your problems.

01:37:22
I don't know.

01:37:24
Communication.

01:37:24
Speaker 1: I just I must.

01:37:25
Speaker 2: I'm a huge like communication guy.

01:37:28
I agree, I agree Communication, talk, communication, it doesn't

01:37:31
matter if it's going to be an awkward conversation, she's

01:37:33
going to get mad, whatever, just talk about it.

01:37:37
Yep, if we don't talk about it, I'm telling you guys, guys,

01:37:40
listen, guys out there listening , you bring that up.

01:37:43
Well, if we don't talk about it , it'll never get resolved.

01:37:46
It'll instantly get refreshed, even if it's a touchy subject.

01:37:51
She'll be happy that you actually at least came to her.

01:37:55
Speaker 1: Works.

01:37:55
I'm telling you, I've done that in the past.

01:37:57
Speaker 2: I'm telling you I've done it in a relationship where

01:38:05
I'm like, hey, this is not working out.

01:38:05
Even if she gets mad about it, it's better to talk about it.

01:38:06
Speaker 1: This is not working out the way that I would want

01:38:08
our relationship to be working out, and this is where I'm

01:38:12
standing at this moment.

01:38:13
There may or may not be somebody else who is showing me

01:38:18
interest.

01:38:18
I do not want to reciprocate, however, because I love you.

01:38:22
I'm having fun, however because I love you, I'm having fun.

01:38:24
However, if I don't feel that from you anymore, obviously,

01:38:29
then what are we doing here, yep ?

01:38:32
Speaker 2: Actually, truthfully, this can actually be good for

01:38:36
you because it can steer you in the direction that you want to

01:38:39
go in the rest of your life.

01:38:40
You don't want to waste your time.

01:38:41
If you're not happy, don't be happy.

01:38:43
Explain why you're not happy.

01:38:45
That's all I got to say.

01:38:46
Yeah.

01:38:46
Speaker 1: Don't just keep it fucking bottled in Fucking Dr

01:38:49
Garrett, don't just keep it bottled in.

01:38:51
Speaker 2: I'm just saying Don't keep it bottled in.

01:38:52
Yeah, just explain always gonna end, it's gonna end bad.

01:39:03
Yeah, so eventually, even if it starts to fight today, yeah,

01:39:05
get the fight done today and figure out the problem now.

01:39:06
Then go down 10 years down the road and then have a shitty

01:39:09
fucking ending to your relationship.

01:39:12
Speaker 1: Yeah it's not worth it.

01:39:15
Speaker 2: Get the fight done now.

01:39:16
Fight now.

01:39:16
Get the fuck up in someone's fucking fight.

01:39:21
I'm just kidding.

01:39:24
Speaker 1: I love you all, yeah garrett, I'm, I'm, I'm impressed

01:39:27
with you.

01:39:28
I like that.

01:39:28
Okay, that was good true words 10 years, by the way.

01:39:32
Speaker 2: 10 years married.

01:39:33
10 years married at 32 not bad not bad not bad, not saying I'm

01:39:37
an expert, I'm not I have no clue.

01:39:39
Speaker 1: I have no clue what I'm doing.

01:39:40
I'm not actually no clue what I'm doing.

01:39:42
Speaker 2: I'm not an expert.

01:39:43
No clue what I'm doing, but it works out, but it works out.

01:39:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I would have to say like, for example,

01:39:47
your marriage with Kelly, Like both of you.

01:39:52
Speaker 2: Oh, we fight like hell.

01:39:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a loving fight, but you, we

01:39:57
communicate you communicate, communicate, correct Yep.

01:39:58
Speaker 2: I'm telling you 100%, it's the biggest fucking thing,

01:40:01
yep.

01:40:01
Communication's huge.

01:40:04
Speaker 1: And by that it puts you both on the same fucking

01:40:07
page.

01:40:07
You both know what is expected of each other.

01:40:10
You know exactly.

01:40:11
Speaker 2: And when we're fucking up, we know we're

01:40:13
fucking up.

01:40:13
Right, Even if we fuck up, we're like hey, I fucked up.

01:40:17
Speaker 1: Yep, so Yep, so yeah, wow, garren, I really am, I'm

01:40:21
impressed, that's good so keep sending them titty pictures I'm

01:40:27
just kidding.

01:40:28
I'm just kidding.

01:40:29
Figure it out first yes, and then keep sending them, that's

01:40:32
right if it's, if it doesn't go anywhere, send the titties, send

01:40:35
the titties whatever.

01:40:36
Speaker 2: At least you tried you have to try the true, the

01:40:39
true crime.

01:40:39
Douchebags send the tits.

01:40:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, send the titties.

01:40:41
I mean, I'm not going to say no to titties if anybody wants to

01:40:43
send them, but hey, whatever, all right.

01:40:46
So that'll do it for this episode of Ham and Eggs Fucking

01:40:52
Fish by Criminal AF.

01:40:54
Let us know what you thought of this episode.

01:40:56
Like I said before, go to Good Pods, spotify or leave a review

01:40:59
on Apple Podcasts, and thank you all for hanging out with us

01:41:03
today.

01:41:03
Thank you, head on over to criminalassfuckcom to ask us

01:41:05
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01:41:09
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01:41:10
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01:41:13
Now, signing off from Studio Chloroform, keep your head on a

01:41:17
swivel and stay safe till next time.

01:41:19
See ya, now give me our theme music.

01:41:27
Executive producers for this episode are Christine Rivera,

01:41:30
beth Davis, dusty J Hicks and Terry Burke.

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Mullen.

01:41:33
Associate producers are Paul Hodge, tara Mazur, chantel

01:41:37
Daggett, jay from Fright Flick FMK, cherise Webb, corey Cribs,

01:41:41
donnie Blake and Jared Rhodes.

01:41:42
Producers are JD Trent Gobble, devin Dean, ashley O'Connor,

01:41:47
alyssa Porello, alicia Knight, maria Selene, chris Owen, not

01:41:51
that Chad, emily White, ian Turner, emily Dickendasher,

01:41:55
debbie from True Crime University, jeanette LeBlanc and

01:41:58
Rene Prada.

01:41:58
Intro and outro music by David Mercurio.

01:42:02
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and YouTube.

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Check out all of our merch and many other items at

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